


Let the Bullets Fly

by leenaelizabeth



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Alcohol, College AU, Drug Use, First Kiss, First Time, Friends With Benefits, Gangsey, Little bit of angst, M/M, Past Child Abuse, my loves, no past, noah is human idk, not too much tho, pynch - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2017-11-02
Packaged: 2019-01-17 05:01:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 25,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12357999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leenaelizabeth/pseuds/leenaelizabeth
Summary: Adam and Ronan have a thing. A casual thing with absolutely no feelings at all. None.(in which Adam and Ronan are friends with benefits and are too thick to realise how much they actually love each other)





	1. I Need You

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya!
> 
> This is basically a college AU that randomly happened. I hope you all enjoy it. More chapters happening soon!!
> 
> EDIT:  
> Just reread it and fixed a couple mistakes and the italics that didn't work for whatever reason. Hope it reads better now!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam and Ronan go to a party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! This is my first Ronan/ Adam fic EVER so I hope you enjoy. I love this pairing so very much.

When Adam left his small town to go to college, he thought he would never find friends. He was a loner in high school, the weird trailer trash kid who came to school with bruises on his face all the time. He had rumours circle about him: that he was in a gang, that he was fighting on the side for money, he was in an abusive relationship, he did it to himself to get attention. In reality, his father got drunk and decided Adam was a good punching bag. Blunt, but accurate.

Adam had known there was absolutely no way he could afford to move out by himself, or go to an ivy league college without a scholarship, so he worked his ass off at 3 jobs and managed to get good enough grades to be awarded a scholarship at Harvard. It was tough, and sometimes Adam just wanted to give up and do what everyone expected of him, but he pushed through. And it was worth it, so worth it.

“You daydreaming about me, Parrish?” Ronan flopped onto the grass next to him, hitting their shoulders together. Ronan was everything Adam wished to be: rich, dangerous, someone who loved so fiercely it hurt. He dumped his expensive messenger bag onto the floor, the contents spilling out in front of him.

“You wish,” Adam smiled at him, taking a bite of the sad ham and mayo sandwich he had bought from the cafeteria for $2. It was soggy, but it did the job. “Where’s Gansey and Blue?” He asked, looking around the large open grass area to spot two out of three more of his best friends.

Ronan shrugged, “Probably sucking face in a bush.” Adam made a face and Ronan took a bite of his apple, leaning back on his hands to look at the sun. Adam had to admit Ronan was good-looking. Cropped dark hair, blue eyes, pale Irish skin. No, genetics had been kind to Ronan Niall Lynch. “Henry Cheng is having a party tonight, you going?”

Adam bit his lip, leaning back and mirroring Ronan’s position, squinting at the bright sky. “Probably not. I have to-”

“If you say you have to study I will hit you.” Ronan interrupted, before punching Adam in the arm anyway, “Come with. Blue and Gansey will be together, and Noah will ditch me for some girl.” 

“Who will?” At the mention of his name, Noah Czerny appeared and sat down next to Adam. Ronan held out a closed fist, and Noah bumped it.

“You will, you little man whore. Ditch us, I mean.” Noah shrugged at the words, a grin on his mouth. He didn’t deny the claim, which made Ronan groan, “See, Parrish.”

 _I could put off homework for one night. It’s Friday. Come on, Parrish, have some fun._ He sighed before nodding, and Ronan let out a loud _whoop!_ Rolling his eyes, Adam pushed himself into a sitting position. “When is this happening, then?”

“I’ll pick you up.” Ronan said instantly, too quickly perhaps. Noah let out a snort, and Ronan glared at him. Adam didn’t understand, and didn’t really try to figure it out.

“Cool, I’ll see you then.” He stood up, sweeping grass from his black jeans. “I have class in five.” He waved goodbye before heading towards his next class. Ronan put up the middle finger, which Adam copied, and Noah just waved his hand enthusiastically. 

He couldn’t help but feel excited for this party. He had never been one for parties, not really, and he wasn’t a big drinker. For a long while, he had been scared that one drop of alcohol would turn him into his father, and it had taken Gansey to assure him that he was nothing like his dead beat dad to make Adam even think about taking a drink. Now, Adam was comfortable with drinking, liked it even. He didn’t make it a habit to get drunk a lot, unlike Ronan. He knew that he wasn’t his father, that he wasn’t an abusive, selfish ass hole. Having friends that made sure he knew it helped, and Adam knew he was on the road to recovery.

\- - -

Ronan picked him up at 8pm.

Adam was already dressed, and sitting on his saggy couch playing on his Playstation, a present from Ronan for his birthday that year. He generally wouldn’t have accepted the gift, but he knew Ronan had only bought it for him so he had someone to play with. Gansey swore by his PC, which pissed off Ronan and therefore he decided Adam must learn to play the games he wanted to play. Adam didn’t mind, it meant spending time with Ronan in his prime, without any sort of expectation from either of them.

Ronan let himself into Adam’s small flat and basically dived onto the couch, kicking Adam in the face in the process. When Adam had made a small sound of pain, Ronan had scoffed, “Don’t be a pussy, Parrish.”

Adam didn’t reply, just pushed Ronan so he had more space and chucked a controller at him. He couldn’t help but look at Ronan, take in what the other boy was wearing and try to control his thoughts. Ronan looked good, as always, in a fitted camo shirt and ripped black jeans. He had on black boots and an expensive watch on his wrist. Ronan had always appealed to Adam, and he couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like to kiss him. It was something he tried to hide, even from himself. Ronan was his best friend, and he didn’t even know if he was gay. _He could be,_ he thought to himself, _but he would never go for you._

Ronan let out a string of swear words as he aggressively hit the controller buttons, his whole body moving as he shot things on the screen. Adam wasn’t playing, and found himself staring at Ronan… again. “Stop staring, it’s weird.” Ronan said without taking his eyes off the screen, and Adam immediately looked away, his face heating up with shame. Stupid, he was so _stupid._

“Let’s go.” He said, standing and pulling the controller off Ronan who made a noise of disappointment. “Are you driving?” 

Ronan shook his head, “I’m not dumb. It’s walking distance.”

 _Then why pick me up?_ “Do you want a shot?” Adam asked, making his way into the kitchen.

“Fuck yeah.”

Adam’s apartment was small, but it was the only thing he could find that was off-campus and affordable. It wasn’t great, and it had its problems but it was his, and he loved it. It was nothing like the huge place Gansey, Ronan and Noah shared, but he didn’t care. All three of those boys came from money, born and raised with a silver spoon in their mouths. It was the truth, and Adam didn’t think any less of them because of it. Him and Blue had come from the same small town, but they had never talked at school. He had admired her, though, even liked her for a while. She was considered ‘strange’ too, with her entire family being psychic and all. They had both wondered how they never became friends.

Adam poured two shot glasses of vodka, clinking their cups together before throwing the liquid down his throat. It burned and he heard Ronan yell in happiness. Ronan was never happier than when he was drinking. He poured three more shots for the both of them before they left, Adam feeling lighter than he had five minutes earlier. 

They chatted mindlessly as they walked to Cheng’s, stumbling into each other every now and then. Ronan had procured a flask from somewhere, and they took turns drinking the dark liquid inside. Adam’s mind was already a little dizzy, he was a lightweight and that was okay. Ronan had grabbed his arm somewhere along the way and hadn’t let go, and that was okay too.

The party was well under way when they got there, the music audible from a block away. Adam wasn’t entirely sure how the party hadn’t already been shut down, not with the numerous cars lining the street and the groups of people milling inside the large house and out on the yard. People were already drunk, falling over and vomiting, making out on the elegant stone steps.

Henry Cheng’s house was huge, and that was putting it lightly. He had room mates, but he was the man of the house. Large white pillars outlined the house, the house itself was a mansion; three stories tall with white walls and multiple balconies. Adam made a face, he couldn’t live in a place like this even in his wildest dreams. To think someone his age lived here was… Almost too much to process.

All of his friends, excluding Blue, were filthy rich. He had gotten used to the fact that what was a huge amount of money to him was barely anything to them. They would never have to budget for anything, never have to worry about not eating so they could pay rent. Their trust-funds were in the millions. He had accepted it, and it didn’t really make him feel inferior any more. They didn’t flaunt it like some others he knew, and he knew that when they did it was because they didn’t know any better. 

“Over compensating much.” Ronan snorted, pulling Adam away from his thoughts. “Let’s find Gansey before he and Blue disappear.” He smirked at Adam as they pushed through the crowds of people to reach the front door. Instantly the smell of alcohol hit Adam’s nose, making him crave a drink. But first, Blue and Gansey.

They found the two sitting on a single chair in the corner of a quieter room, laughing. Blue was sitting in Gansey’s lap, and they both held a red plastic cup. Blue looked a bit drunker than Gansey, but the both of them seemed buzzed. When Gansey spotted Adam and Ronan, he lifted a hand in hello. Stepping around couples dancing, or grinding would be a better term, they reached the couple and Blue raised her cup in welcome.

“Fancy seeing you here,” She slurred her words slightly and Gansey looked at her, nothing but adoration in his eyes. Adam felt a ping of jealousy, but not at the couple themselves… Just the feeling of being wanted, of nothing but complete love and acceptance. He craved it so badly, with all of his heart.

“Can’t handle your drinks, Maggot?” Ronan asked, a smirk on his face. Blue stuck out her tongue at him. Gansey was staring at Adam’s arm, his eyebrows raised, and it took him a moment to realise that Ronan was still holding Adam’s forearm. Heat shot through him, and his face heated. Now he knew Ronan was touching him, that was all he could focus on; His hand curled around Adam’s bare arm. 

_What is wrong with me?_ He couldn’t take his mind off it. He was never this infatuated with Ronan, had never felt anything for him. He thought he was good looking, yeah, and would more than happily take him to his bed, but this? Adam didn’t have a crush on Ronan. No way.

“Do you want a drink?” Ronan’s voice startled him out of his own mind, and he tuned back into what was happening around him. Music pounding, people yelling, Ronan watching him. Blue and Gansey had turned back to each other, Blue leaning in to peck Gansey on the lips.

“Yeah.” Adam’s voice sounded strange in his own ears, and Ronan cocked his head slightly before turning and disappearing into the crowds of people. Adam watched him go, his heart doing weird things in his chest. _I’m just drunk, this doesn’t mean anything. Maybe I should get with Ronan-_ he cut off his own thoughts. What? Why would he even… He shook his head and mentally punched himself. What the fuck was he doing?

“You right? You look like you’re constipated.” Blue poked his leg with her bare foot, her shoes discarded on the floor next to her.

Adam opened his mouth to reply but closed it as Ronan appeared next to him with two cups of liquid, handing one to Adam with a smirk. Immediately, Adam sniffed it and made a face. “Is this just vodka?”

“No…” He grinned, a dangerous smile that made Adam’s heart skip a beat, “There’s tequila in there too.”

Adam rolled his eyes, and touched his cup to Ronan’s, “Bottoms up.” Ronan grinned his dangerous smile again before tipping the contents of the cup down his throat, Adam following suit. The alcohol burned, and Adam felt this head spin as he looked at Ronan. Ronan just watched him for a moment before jerking his head, wanting Adam to follow him, which he did with no question.

They made their way to the living room turned dance floor, and Ronan disappeared for a moment to get another drink for the both of them. Adam swayed to the music, eyes closed. He felt the beat in his heart, in his head. It made it easy for him to let go, to put himself into the music and forget about anything else. Someone touched his hip and he opened his eyes. Ronan pushed a drink into his hands, and he drank it without question. He grimaced slightly, but it didn’t burn the same as it did before.

Adam started dancing again, aware of how close he and Ronan were. Adam wasn’t entirely sure what he wanted from Ronan, he just knew he wanted something. He was drunk, the world spinning around him as he danced to the techno music that was pounding from multiple speakers around the house. He wasn’t entirely aware of his actions, but he felt more relaxed than he had in weeks. Ronan was in front of him, swaying slightly to the beat. His eyes were unfocused, but he was watching Adam almost hungrily.

Adam put his hand on Ronan’s shoulders, a grin on his face. “Dance with me?” He yelled over the pounding music, the alcohol making his head spin. Ronan placed his hands on Adam’s hips, pulling Adam towards him so their chests were touching. Adam could barely breathe, couldn’t really accept what was happening.

He had always thought Ronan was attractive, had always admired him from afar. But that was it. Adam wasn’t even gay, had always preferred girls to boys. He had never even been attracted to another man until Ronan. He had never thought anything would come of it, this weird want he had for Lynch. But now, with the alcohol making him feel light and silly and with Ronan’s arms on his waist… Now, he had no idea what to think. How to feel. He knew nothing except the fact that he _really_ wanted to kiss Ronan Lynch.

Everything else blurred away when Ronan looked at him. The music became background noise, the dancing bodies around him became one. Ronan was watching him, his eyes glancing from his eyes to Adam’s lips. “Hey.” Adam breathed, the words barely audible over the pounding music.

“Hi.” Ronan said back, just as quietly, then pressed his lips on Adam’s.

Adam’s world stopped spinning, then started again. Ronan’s lips were on his, and Adam was kissing him back. Ronan kissing was much like Ronan doing anything. It was intense, he put himself wholly into what he was doing. Kissing Ronan Lynch was like standing outside and knowing its going to rain, but letting it come. Letting the cold water drench your clothes, not going inside until you couldn’t feel your body and your teeth were chattering. Kissing Ronan Lynch was hard and soft at the same time, it was everything all at once.

Adam felt Ronan’s tongue venture into his mouth, and he stopped breathing. The kiss was sloppy and harsh and everything that Adam had imagined, yet like nothing he had ever thought possible. It was Ronan, just Ronan. Adam pushed back, and Ronan let out a groan that sent shivers down Adam’s spine. It did weird things to his body, sending heat rushing through him like a wave.

He wanted to kiss Ronan Lynch forever.

Ronan pulled away, breathing hard. The world came back in full force, the sounds and the people overloading Adam’s brain. He wanted to leave, but he wanted Ronan to come with him. Adam leaned up and pressed his lips to Ronan’s once more, pulling away when Ronan’s arms tightened around his waist.

“Come home with me?” He asked breathlessly, his voice wobbled slightly and he hoped Ronan didn’t hear.

“I thought you would never ask.” Ronan replied, a shit-eating grin on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Please feel free to message me on tumblr: outofthe-blue***


	2. Love Me Then Leave Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan spends the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for all the positive feedback! I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I'm starting on chapter 3 right now.

The walk home was harder than Adam had anticipated.

They stumbled back towards the apartment building that Adam lived, Ronan holding Adam’s hand. He wasn’t entirely sure why, if it was due to him wanting to or Adam almost falling over multiple times on the journey. Either way, he didn’t pull away. He liked the feel of Ronan’s hand in his. Ronan’s hands were weirdly soft, something Adam hadn’t expected. He wasn’t entirely sure why he expected differently, and when Adam told him that, Ronan looked at him with a small smile on his face. He didn’t comment, and Adam didn’t really expect him to.

The three flights of stairs to Adam’s apartment seemed longer than usual, and Adam found himself puffing as he dragged himself up the last step. He was too drunk to do this, he could barely walk straight and to think he had to get up _stairs_ … Honestly, Adam didn’t know how he survived it.

Adam managed to unlock his front door, kicking it open when it caught on the floor, and blindly hit the wall until he found the light switch. His mind was spinning, and he was feeling a little sick. His heart was beating faster than it should, but Adam knew it was more to do with Ronan than the alcohol.

Ronan closed the door behind him before grabbing Adam’s arm and pulling him backwards into Ronan’s chest. In a movement that Adam’s drunk brain couldn’t comprehend, Adam’s back was against the wall and Ronan’s mouth was on his neck.

Adam groaned, his hands going into Ronan’s short hair. He couldn’t grab onto much, but the feeling of the short hairs on his hands was enough. Ronan bit his neck, and Adam bucked his hips, a surprised gasp falling from his lips. He trailed up Adam’s neck, pressing kisses as he went. Finally he reached his mouth, which he placed a quick peck, before grabbing Adam’s hand and dragging him over to the shabby couch.

Adam didn’t know if he would remember this in the morning, he hoped he did. He also hoped Ronan wouldn’t regret it, act like it was a mistake. Adam knew that he wouldn’t, that this was consensual and amazing, but he couldn’t help the tiny voice in the back of his head nagging at him the entire time. Ronan pushed Adam gently onto the couch and climbed on his lap, placing his lips on Adam’s neck. The voice went quiet, and so did everything else. His body was hot with want, his breathing coming out in quick gasps. 

Adam grabbed Ronan’s jaw, pulling his face up to join their mouths together. He wasn’t sure how long they kissed for, just that it was amazing. It could have been minutes, could have been hours. It might have been _days_ , but Adam wasn’t entirely sure he cared. As Ronan ground down on him, making Adam emit a loud noise, a knock at the door made them both freeze.

Ronan looked at Adam for a second before getting off Adam, adjusting himself to hide his boner, and stumbling towards the door. He opened it to find a pizza delivery guy holding two pizzas and a bottle of soft drink. Adam wasn’t entirely sure what was going on, and watched in confusion as Ronan paid for the food and closed the door behind him. When Adam made an _explain_ gesture, Ronan held up the food with a grin.

“Thought you might be hungry.” He placed the food on the coffee table.

“ _When?_ ” Adam asked, leaning forward to look in the boxes. He was uncomfortably hot, the rubbing of his pants making him squirm. But food was present, and Adam’s drunk mind couldn’t really think of much else.

“As we were walking.” He said, shrugging, as he opened the boxes. One pepperoni, one plain cheese. Pepperoni was Adam’s favourite, but he didn’t know if that was a coincidence or if Ronan had actually noticed. He grabbed a piece of the cheese pizza, taking a bite.

“How much did this-?”

“Parrish, eat the fucking pizza. Let me treat you for once in a fucking blue moon.” Adam didn’t let the words sink in fully, didn’t let himself think about what they were implying. Instead, he grabbed a piece of the pizza, groaning when he took a bit. It was _good_ , better than usual. It was probably because he was drunk, but he honestly didn’t care.

They sat beside each other, eating in silence. It was a comfortable silence, neither of them feeling the need to fill in the blanks with meaningless conversation. It was different than what it usually was between the two of them, but then again, they were different now. They had crossed a bridge, and there was no going back. Adam didn’t want to pretend this never happened, and he hoped Ronan felt the same. He didn’t know if he liked Ronan, not like a _crush_ , but it felt nice to be with someone. He would be more than happy for whatever it was between them to be casual, no strings attached. He wasn’t sure if he would be able to handle more than that.

After the pizza, Ronan turned on the Playstation. He had thrown his leg over Adam’s, and placed his hand on Adam’s thigh when he wasn’t actively playing. Adam was on his phone, trying hard to ignore the feeling in his gut. Finally he gave in, placing his own hand on Ronan’s leg. Ronan froze for a second, eyes glued on the television, before continuing like nothing had changed. They stayed that way for maybe another hour or two, occasionally commenting on something in the game or shit-talking. It was nice, and Adam would have gladly stayed like that if exhaustion hadn’t hit him in the face with a brick.

He yawned, rubbing his eyes. Ronan scoffed, and Adam looked at him, confusion written on his face. “You’re like a baby, cute.”

Adam wasn’t entirely sure whether he should be offended or not, but he glared at Ronan, giving him the middle finger. “I’m going to sleep.” He announced, standing up.

Ronan did the same, and the two stumbled down the hall. The alcohol had begun to wear off, leaving Adam feeling a little ill, his head starting to pound. The adrenaline from Ronan still hadn’t worn off, and he could feel Ronan’s touch on his body still.

Adam climbed into the queen size bed, sighing as his head hit the pillows. The bed dipped next to him, and he knew Ronan had joined him. Turning to look at the other man, Adam smiled. “Hey.”

“Hi.” Ronan replied, his voice almost a whisper. He had a strange look on his face, one Adam couldn’t properly comprehend. Anger? Confusion? Happiness? Somewhere in between?

Adam leaned forward, pressing his lips onto Ronan’s softly, “I hope this is okay.”

“It’s fine.” His voice sounded strangled, strange. Adam went to pull back, but Ronan grasped his neck, drawing Adam towards him. “It’s fine.” He repeated, a soft smile on his face. He kissed Adam, quick and soft. Somehow, it wrecked Adam more than the others. It was so… _casual_. Like it was normal, like they had been built to do this.

Pressing his forehead to Ronan’s, he closed his eyes and soon fell asleep, Ronan’s arm wrapped around his waist. He felt safer than he had in a long time.

\- - -

The world was too bright when Adam woke up, the sunlight streaming through his open curtains. His whole body hurt, and his stomach rolled. _God_ , he hated this part of drinking. It was all fun until the morning.

Opening his eyes, Adam froze when he saw someone’s back to him. It took him a moment to realise who it was, and another moment to realise _why_.

Memories rushed back to him, albeit fuzzy and most didn’t make sense, but he understood the gist of it. He and Ronan had hooked up. They didn’t have sex, but they kissed. _I kissed Ronan Lynch… And I liked it_. Fuck.

Adam laid still, trying to restart his brain. He didn’t know where this left them, their friendship, and he wouldn’t know until Ronan woke up and they talked about it. But knowing Ronan, they probably wouldn’t. He was more of a forget-about-it kinda dude. Adam was the complete opposite.

Groaning softly, Adam sat up, his head spinning as he did so. He felt ill, his stomach putting itself in knots. He wasn’t entirely sure whether that was to do with the alcohol or the man sleeping in his bed.

 _What am I going to tell Gansey?_ Nothing, he would tell them nothing. Ronan probably would regret it, and there was no point. Gansey would probably be happy for them, the weirdo. But this was nothing, a one time thing. Adam didn’t want it to become anything, not really. He didn’t have time for feelings or relationships, didn’t want the added responsibility that came with dating. It was too much, and he already had too much on his plate.

Getting up, Adam silently made his way to the kitchen, wincing at the brightness of the room. He wanted food, and he was sure Ronan would want some too. _God_ , that is going to be an awkward conversation. 

He sloppily began making breakfast, pulling out pots and pans and chucking multiple things on the stove. Soon enough, he had bacon, eggs, sausages and baked beans cooking. He had forgone being quiet a while ago, knowing that Ronan was going to get up one way or another, probably mad. At least he could be irritable with a belly full of food.

Sure enough, as Adam was serving the food, Ronan blearily stumbled into the room. He had lost his shirt from the last time Adam was in the room, and he had to advert his eyes. He could feel his cheeks warming, and continued to serve the food. It was way too much for two people, but Ronan basically ate enough for too people anyway, that is wasn’t that big of a deal.

Ronan seated himself on the small table, pushing away a stack of bills that was piling there, and Adam passed him a plate before joining him. He grunted in thanks before digging in, and Adam felt his heart sink a little. 

“So, um… Do you remember much of last night?” Adam asked, playing with the food on his plate. He had lost his appetite, the greasy food looking disgusting. His stomach rolled and grumbled.

“Yeah.” Ronan replied simply, shovelling food into his mouth as he did so.

“...And?” Adam prompted, his heart sinking further and further with every spoonful that Ronan took. _Please don’t think it was a mistake_. He didn’t know why he wanted it so badly, why he didn’t want Ronan to pretend last night never happened. He didn’t want to ruin their friendship, definitely, but there was something else… Something that Adam couldn’t admit even to himself.

“Nothing.” Ronan wasn’t looking at him, focusing on anything but Adam. Fuck. 

“Okay,” Adam managed to get out. He abruptly pushed himself out from the table, and it was only then that Ronan looked at him. Adam hoped he didn’t look as miserable as he felt. He forced a smile on his face, “I’m having a shower.” He announced before basically running away, trying to maintain the façade he had put on.

When he reached his tiny bathroom and shut the door, he slid down it. He buried his head in his knees. What was _wrong_ with him? Of course Ronan wouldn’t like him. He knew this would happen, and he didn’t know why he was so upset. It was stupid, so _stupid_.

Adam forced himself to stand and undress, turning on the water until it burned his skin. He didn’t know how long he stood there for, but when he finally got out and dressed, Ronan was gone.

Ronan leaving hurt more than Adam thought it would, and he wasn’t entirely sure that he wanted to explore why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Please feel free to message me on tumblr: outofthe-blue***


	3. Okay? Okay.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sort of a filler chapter, but with important stuff at the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While this chapter is important at the end, it's not my greatest work. I just _really_ am enjoying writing atm and this sort of just happened.

When Adam went to leave for work that afternoon, his car wouldn’t start. This didn’t surprise him too much, but he pounded the steering wheel in anger. The car responded with a little _beep_ , which made him more angry than anything.

It was a shit-box, as Ronan put it. The car a mix between a Honda and a Toyota (a Hondayota, precious), and it really _was_ a piece of shit. The thing barely worked, and when it did, it didn’t work well. It was like most of what Adam owned, and Adam himself, broken. But it was his, and he had bought it with his own money. That had to mean something.

He had never been jealous of what Ronan and Gansey had, not until that moment. They could have anything they wanted. Gansey _chose_ to have a car that constantly broke down, he could get a brand new one whenever he desired, without thinking twice about it. Ronan could get fucked.

The thought sent a jolt through him. He hadn’t expected to be so angry, hadn’t expected Ronan’s leaving would hit him so hard. But it had, and he couldn’t help the angry tears that prickled at his eyes as he thought about it. It wasn’t just Ronan, it was a mix of everything: the car, Ronan’s denial, the fact that Adam was upset in the first place. Everything just seemed to stupid, so meaningless.

He sat in the front seat of his car, staring at the wall in front of him. It had the number 24 painted in white, the number of his apartment. He just stared and stared until the paint began to muddle, the number swirling and moving. He was hungover, which was the only reason this was affecting him so much. He knew it was a lie, but he repeated it over and over until he started feeling better.

He popped the hood of his car, pulling his phone from his pocket as he did so. He needed to call work, tell them he would be late. He couldn’t afford it, not really, but he was considering calling in sick. He felt like shit, and dealing with shit customers would only make it worse. His mind set, he made up some bullshit excuse (“ _I’m not feeling too well… Puking and stuff, you get the idea_.”), and looked at the motor. His experience from working at a mechanic shop helped, and he suspected his starter motor was busted. Which meant spending money he didn’t have to fix it. He mentally began to budget, rubbing his eyes when he realised he probably wouldn’t be able to eat for around a month. _Nice_.

Slamming the hood shut, Adam made his way back to his apartment. He felt like crap, his body tired, his brain drained. Everything felt grey, every footstep felt like he was climbing a mountain. He wanted to forget anything ever happened, he wished he had never kissed Ronan Lynch.

He got to his apartment and laid on the couch, staring at the black television screen. The Playstation was like a beacon, and Adam hated that is was _Ronan_ who gave it to him. In that moment, he wanted to rip it from the wall and chuck it out the window. But he knew that wasn’t sensible, and it would be smarter to sell it. Maybe it could pay for his car.

He shook his head. No. He wouldn’t do that. No matter what Ronan did, it was a gift. Also, Adam couldn’t bare to even think about how Ronan would react if he ever found out. The sadness, the betrayal. Adam closed his eyes, hoping that when he woke up, everything would be back to normal.

\- - -

Adam woke to the sound of someone pounding on his door.

He groaned, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes before glancing at the clock. 6:23pm. He had been asleep for almost 4 hours, yet he still felt like absolute shit.

The pounding continued, and Adam let out an annoyed, “Okay! I’m coming!” before making his way towards the door. The room was spinning slightly, and he actually felt worse than before. Because of course he would.

He pulled open the door to find Gansey, Blue, Noah and Ronan on the other side. Each looked happy to see him, apart from Ronan who was looking at the door frame to his left. So that’s how it was going to be. He hated it, hated how he jeopardised his friendship so he could, what, get some dick? Make out with someone? It wasn’t worth it, and Adam wished he could take it back. _Do you though?_ A small voice echoed around his head, and Adam realised it was right. He didn’t want to forget what Ronan’s lips felt like on his, what it felt like to be held by him. He just wished that Ronan didn’t hate him.

“Hey?” It came out as a question, which wasn’t intended. Adam quickly plastered on a smile before opening the door, “Come in.”

The gang barged past, except for Ronan, who lingered around the door until Adam left it, and then walked in. Adam wanted to yell at him, ask him what his deal was. He didn’t seem to care when he was kissing Adam not 24 hours earlier. What the hell was his problem? Except he didn’t do this, he just nodded at Ronan before joining the others who were milling around his kitchen.

“You weren’t answering your phone. We wanted to see if you were still alive.” Blue said cheerfully, hoisting herself onto the counter.

“Have you had guests?” Noah asked, gesturing to the two plates that Adam had left on the table. He hadn’t bothered to clean up earlier, and now wished he had.

He refused to look at Ronan when he said, “No.” Noah gave him a weird look, but didn’t comment. He placed both plates together, putting them in the sink, before sitting down. He pulled out his phone, a grin taking over his face.

“ _Dude_ , where did you go last night? Some chicks were asking about you.” Noah shoved the phone in his face, showing a photo of two blonde girls posing with their arms around Noah, “I couldn’t find you or Lynch. We all got stoned, it was pretty awesome.”

“I left early. Didn’t feel well.” Adam said, moving around the others to get to the sink. He wanted them to leave. As much as he loved his friends, he wished he was alone right now. He could feel Ronan watching him, the stare like daggers in his back. He grabbed a glass, filling it up with water before turning around. “What did I miss?”

Immediately, Gansey and Blue started talking about a mutual friend who had ran naked around the house, the story earning laughs from everyone but Ronan and Adam. They didn’t notice, too invested in the retelling.

He glanced at Ronan to see him looking back. He held his gaze, begging Ronan to back down, to glance away first. He didn’t, and they both just glared at each other, unblinking. Adam couldn’t detangle the emotions welling in the pit of his stomach, couldn’t make sense of what was going on in his head. He was so _angry_. At Ronan, at Gansey and Blue and Noah, at himself. 

“...You okay, Adam?” Gansey’s voice brought him back, the sound becoming audible like he was bringing his head out of water. He broke his gaze from Ronan, dragging his head around to look at the others. They were all staring at him, glancing between Adam and Ronan.

“What?” His voice sounded small, weak. He hated it, hated Ronan for making him feel this way.

“You look sick. You feeling okay?” Blue asked. She had hoped down from the counter and approached him, placing her palm on his forehead. Her hand was freezing, and it felt nice.

“Just hungover. Had a shit day.” He didn’t look at Ronan when he said it, but it was pointed at him. He knew Ronan knew, as he looked at the floor. Adam knew he was meant to feel some sort of satisfaction, or anything at all, but he felt nothing. What was wrong with him?

Noah nodded knowingly, “I understand. Go sleep.” Adam wanted to, more than anything, but he didn’t want to go to his room. To where he woke up this morning wrapped around Ronan. He was happy then, it had been nice to wake up next to someone.

Wow, who knew he was such a deprecating asshole.

Eventually everyone shuffled out the door, telling him to feel better and get some sleep. He watched them go, a small smile on his face. Ronan hesitated at the door, turning to him. He opened his mouth, and Adam felt his pulse surge, but then he closed it again and left, leaving Adam feeling stupid and alone.

He sat on the couch, feeling numb. _Tomorrow_ , he told himself, _tomorrow will be better_.

\- - -

Adam woke to his phone ringing. He was in his bed, the sheets kicked onto the floor. The noise vibrated around the room, and Adam swore it was louder than normal. In the dark, he felt around his bed until he found the phone, squinting as the display turned on.

 _Ronan Lynch_ read the screen, and Adam’s heart skipped a beat. He glanced at the time, 1:21am. Ronan hated using the phone, hated even having the thing on him. So why was he calling Adam? He hesitated for a second before answering with a quiet hello.

“Parrish.” Ronan’s voice was rough, raw. The line was silent for a couple seconds, Adam holding his breath. “How are you?” He asked eventually, and Adam let out the breath he was holding.

“I’ve been better.” He said with a small laugh, “Yourself?”

“I’m… Look, it doesn’t matter. Are you up?” The urgency in his voice made Adam sit up, wrap the blanket around his shoulders as the cold night wrapped around him.

“Yeah. Are you… okay?” Adam glanced out the window. The night was bright enough that he could see the buildings on the opposite side of the street, and he wished he could see the stars. _One day I’ll have a house that I will be able to look up at the stars while lying in bed_ , he thought. It brought a joy to him that he hadn’t expected.

“I’ll see you in 5 minutes.” Ronan hung up, but Adam kept it to his ear for a while longer, staring at nothing. The large apartment Gansey, Noah and Ronan shared was at least a 15 minute drive from Adam’s, but he wasn’t surprised with the time frame Ronan had given him. He knew how Ronan drove, had accepted that he may wrap himself around a tree one day, had accepted that Ronan liked to street race and there was nothing he could do to stop it. If Gansey couldn’t get Ronan to stop, no one could.

For a while, Adam had thought that Ronan and Gansey had a _thing_. But then Gansey got with Blue, and Ronan had some weird relationship with a guy called Joseph Kavinsky that ended horribly, and Adam realised that they were just friends. More like brothers, really.

A knock at the door had Adam getting out of bed, draping his blanket across his shoulders like a cape. He walked through the apartment, turning on lights as he did so. He took a deep breath before opening the door, trying to calm his nerves. This could either go well or terribly. There wasn’t really an in-between.

Ronan Lynch was standing in the hall, wringing his hands together. He looked up when Adam opened the door, his gaze softening when he took the other man in. “You have a blanket cape? Nerd.” 

Adam put his hand to his heart, feigning offence, “Jealousy doesn’t suit you, Lynch.”

Ronan smiled at him, and Adam could almost forget what had happened. He could almost pretend that everything was normal, and that he had never kissed Ronan Lynch. Almost, but not quite. The smile fell off Ronan’s face slowly, and Adam stepped back, gesturing him to come inside. He did, and they both stood in the doorway for a second, unsure what to do.

“What are you doing here, Ronan?” Adam asked quietly, looking at the floor.

Ronan let out an agitated groan, which made Adam look up. Ronan was running his hands through his short hair, his face full of emotion. What the emotion was, exactly, Adam couldn’t tell, but it was something that Adam had never seen before. _Actually, I have_. The memory of Ronan’s face in bed the night before poked his brain, it was the same expression. Adam didn’t know how to think.

When Ronan didn’t reply, Adam prompted him with a small, “Lynch?”

“Look, I- I’m not good with words, okay? I don’t know how to do this shit.” The words exploded out of him, “I don’t know what I’m doing.” The last sentence was quieter, almost a whisper.

Adam was a little confused, “I don’t… I don’t understand.”

Ronan let out the same agitated noise, “Parrish, you can’t- I can’t...” He was having a war within himself, and Adam didn’t know if he was in the position to help. Another noise, this one more like a sigh, then Ronan grabbed Adam by the blanket, dragging him forwards. He smashed their lips together, and Adam let out a startled sound, and then Ronan was pulling away, basically falling backwards to get away from him.

“No, what? Wait- Ronan!” He grabbed Ronan’s wrist as he turned, pulling him back to face him. “What’s happening?” He asked quietly.

“I don’t know.” It was not even a whisper, but Adam heard it. He touched Ronan’s cheek, splaying hand over his cheekbone.

“Neither do I.” Then Adam kissed him.

It was different than the other kisses, mainly because Adam initiated it. It was slow, soft, hesitant. Ronan’s hand wound around Adam’s back, drawing him in. There was no force, no rush in this kiss. It was purely them, nothing else.

Adam pulled back, but kept his hand on Ronan’s cheek, “What do you want?”

“Nothing.” Ronan said, and Adam felt his face fall. When he realised what he said, Ronan let out a hurried “No, no, wait. I didn’t mean like-” He let out a frustrated sigh, “I told you.”

“Told me-?”

“I’m not good with words, Parrish. Adam. I’m… I want this, but just this. Casual.” Ronan touched Adam’s cheek, and Adam felt heat rush through him.

“Like a friends with benefits situation?” Adam asked, a small smile on his face.

“I guess, when you say it like that.” Ronan traced around Adam’s lips, his nose, his eyes. His fingers wandered down his neck, touching his adams apple and collar bones. There was nothing sexual about it, yet Adam felt every touch through his entire body.

“Okay.” Adam breathed, he stilled Ronan’s wandering hand.

“Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Wow, we’re a John Green novel.” Ronan snorted, pulling away from Adam and heading to the bedroom, “I dibs left side of the bed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Please feel free to message me on tumblr: outofthe-blue***


	4. Bacon and Eggs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mild sexy times and then Ronan cooks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a simple chapter, a little smaller than the others but it had to happen lol. I'm not good at writing smut, so bare with me.

Ronan threw himself onto Adam’s queen size bed, crossing his arms under his head and giving Adam a seductive smile. Ronan was utterly comfortable anywhere he went, and this was no exception. Adam couldn’t help but think he belonged in his bed, that he wouldn’t mind if Ronan never left.

Adam slowly made his way towards him, his mind spinning. Adam wasn’t a virgin, and he knew Ronan wasn’t either, but it was _Ronan_. It made him nervous and giddy, adrenaline pumping through his body. He was feeling hot everywhere, and he knew he was most probably blushing. _What is_ wrong _with me?_ He thought to himself, feeling shaky on his legs. _Get a grip, Adam._

When he reached Ronan, Ronan grabbed Adam’s hand and pulled him onto the bed. Adam landed in a heap, a yelp pulled from his lips. He was sprawled on Ronan, and Adam couldn’t breath for a second. He reorganised his body, straddling Ronan. Ronan grinned up at him, lust in his eyes. Adam leaned down slightly, pressing his lips onto Ronan’s neck. Ronan let out a sigh, his eyes fluttering closed. Adam continued, biting and kissing Ronan’s neck, moving up to his jaw. Ronan was squirming under him, with each movement pressing his hard dick on Adam’s stomach or leg. It was stupid how much it turned Adam on, how much he _ached_ for it. He kissed Ronan on the lips, deepening the kiss as soon as Ronan opened his mouth.

The kiss was hard, sloppy, full of want and need. It almost hurt, but Adam liked it. Loved it. Adam ground down on Ronan, making him gasp. The noise sent a shot of want through Adam, and he groaned. Ronan’s hands were wandering, touching his back, his neck, his ass. Suddenly, he flipped them, Adam letting out a sound high noise of surprise. Ronan grinned at him, his face just slightly above Adam’s. He leant down, touched their foreheads together for a moment, before kissing Adam. It was gentler this time, but still had all the passion from before.

Adam pawed at Ronan’s shirt, pulling it up. In one movement, Ronan basically tore it off his body and then helped Adam take his off. As soon as the shirts came off it was… different. More intense, more _real_. It was happening.

Ronan kissed his again, moving his hand down Adam’s body until he was touching him above his jeans. Adam bucked, pushing Ronan’s hand down. Ronan palmed Adam through his jeans for a while before sitting up, and undoing Adam’s belt. Adam watched, transfixed as Ronan pulled down his jeans and underwear, his dick popping out basically slapping him in the stomach. Just it being out in the open was different, the cold air attacking his sensitive dick. Ronan looked at him for a moment.

“What?” Adam asked, his voice breathless. A wave of self-doubt crashed upon him for a second, but cleared almost instantly when Ronan smiled at him, taking his dick in his hand.

“Nothing.” He said, before putting Adam’s penis is in mouth.

Adam’s brain stopped working. He arched his back slightly, his mouth falling open. Ronan had done this before, that was obvious, and it made Adam come undone. Adam gripped his head board, little noises coming out of his mouth. Ronan hummed around his dick, and took his mouth off Adam.

Adam watched him, his heart beating too fast, on the edge of orgasm. His brain was white noise, all he could do was watch as Ronan pulled his own pants down, his own penis showing. _Of course he was commando_ , was all Adam was able to think before Ronan took his penis in his hand. 

He placed both their penises together and jacked them off, and that was it. Adam came with a shout, his back arched and his mouth open. He heard Ronan let out a small sound too, and felt something wet on his stomach. When he opened his eyes, Ronan was sitting back slightly, holding onto his flaccid penis.

“Hey.” Adam said, his voice small. He was smiling, unable to stop looking at the handsome boy in front of him.

“Hi.” Ronan said, a smile on his face too. “Do you have a towel or something?”

Adam gestured to the door, “Bathroom.” 

Ronan leant down and kissed him softly before making his way out of the room, coming back almost immediately with a towel. He cleaned them both off before laying down next to Adam, his gaze on the ceiling. Adam could see the faint smile on his face, and he knew they were okay.

“Adam?” Ronan’s voice was small, something he had never heard before. Adam turned his face towards him, and Ronan curled his body towards Adam. “That was fun, right?”

Adam let out a snort, “Dude, shut up.”

Instantly Ronan was back to normal, a shit eating grin on his face, before touching Adam’s cheek. “Just making sure, Parrish.”

Adam didn’t respond, just closed his eyes. It was a warmer night, so the nakedness didn’t bother him too much. He usually slept naked, the only difference now was Ronan was also naked. He wasn’t entirely sure how to process that, and thinking about it only made him more confused. He would figure it out some other time, when it wasn’t 2am and he didn’t have a naked man in his bed.

A snore made Adam open his eyes, and he smiled when he saw Ronan had fallen asleep next to him. They had shared a bed before, completely platonic of course, but this was different. He leaned over and turned off the lamp on his bedside table, the only thing that illuminated the room, and pulled the bed covers over the both of them. He fell asleep almost instantly.

\- - -

When Adam woke up the next morning, Ronan was gone.

He had a quick moment of pure panic, his stomach dropping and his heart pounding. Of course… Of course it was too good to be true. Then he heard the sounds of someone banging around in the kitchen, and instantly relaxed.

He chucked on the first outfit he saw, the same as the day before, and hesitated before walking out. He didn’t know how Ronan would react. Would it be like the first night? He hoped to god that he didn’t regret it, because while kissing could easily be forgotten, what they had done could not.

Ronan was banging around in the kitchen, multiple pans on the stove. Adam didn’t know what he was cooking, but it smelt good. He hadn’t been aware that Ronan could cook, but then again he didn’t know Ronan all too well. He was a very reserved creature, Adam wasn’t sure even Gansey knew who Ronan really was.

Ronan looked up and smiled at Adam, “Hey shit head.” He was wearing some of Adam’s trousers and no shirt. Adam didn’t know where he had gotten the pants from, he had lost them months ago, but the sight of it made Adam stupidly happy.

“What ya cooking?” He asked, sitting at the table and watching Ronan as he moved around the kitchen. He looked so natural there, like cooking was what he did everyday. Even in Adam’s shitty kitchen, Ronan looked like he _belonged_.

Ronan shrugged, “Just a mix of everything. Taste.” He skewered what looked like a sausage onto a fork and walked over to Adam, placing it in Adam’s waiting mouth. It burned slightly, but tasted really good. He said as much and Ronan smirked, “Obviously its good. I made it.”

Adam rolled his eyes but stayed quiet, just observing. Seeing Ronan like this made Adam feel things he didn’t want to think about, _couldn’t_ think about, not with what Ronan had made clear earlier. A casual relationship, no strings attached. Friends with benefits. Adam was sure he could handle it, liked it actually, but his body was reacting stupidly to Ronan’s presence and Adam just hoped it would stay like it is. He didn’t want to go ruin a good thing.

Ronan was serving out the food, placing the food on five separate plates. Adam cocked his head slightly, “Are we expecting visitors?” He asked, standing up from the table. He went to take a step towards Ronan when there was a knock on the door.

Glancing towards Ronan and the door suspiciously, Adam made his way towards it. He glanced back once before opening it to see Ronan smiling softly. He quickly wrenched open the door, ignoring his hearts reaction, to see Gansey, Blue and Noah standing in the hall. He let them in before closing the door.

Noah instantly wandered over to where Ronan was setting out the food, picking at one of the plates. Gansey bumped fists with Adam, “Glad you’re feeling better.” He said before he, too, made his way towards the food. Blue hung back, watching Adam closely.

“Can I help you?” He asked, a smile on his face.

Blue didn’t answer for a moment, glancing at Ronan then back at Adam. “I-” She shook her head and joined her boyfriend at the table, ruffling his hair. Gansey squarked, hitting her hand softly. Blue placed a kiss on his cheek before taking a bite of her food.

Adam stared for a moment, feeling the familiar sense of emptiness that came with seeing Blue and Gansey interact. He then glanced at Ronan, who was quickly putting things away, and felt his heart lift a little. He made his way towards Ronan.

“Where did you get all this food from? I had nothing in the house.” His voice was small, and he hated how he sounded when he said it. Poor, weak, everything Ronan was not.

“I… I couldn’t sleep. I went to the store this morning and yeah.” He waved his hand towards the table, where their friends were digging into their food.

“How much did it cost?” He tried to mentally price it, trying to figure out how he could afford to pay Ronan back.

“Don’t.” Ronan shook his head, and then covered Adam’s mouth with his hand when he went to complain, “Just let me do this.”

When he was certain Adam wasn’t going to say anything he dropped his hand. “Thanks.” 

Ronan leaned in close, his breath tickling Adam’s ear, “You can pay me back in other ways if you wish.” He pulled back, winking at Adam before joining the others.

Adam was frozen on the spot for a second, trying to get what Ronan had insinuated out of his mind. He felt too hot, uncomfortable but in the best way possible. He took a deep breath before sitting at the table. Blue was staring at him, her eyebrows furrowed. He just gave her a smile before digging into the food.

To Adam’s surprise, the food was actually amazing. He hadn’t been aware that bacon, eggs and toast could taste so good. It made Adam’s heart flip in his chest. He chose to ignore it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Please feel free to message me on tumblr: outofthe-blue***


	5. ...And Don't Fuck it Up.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam gets caught in the rain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the good reviews! This is my first Ronan/Adam fic I have ever written and I'm so glad its being received well. Hope you enjoy this part!
> 
> ALSO, I'm Australian, so if you find any errors or words that don't make sense/ aren't understandable to people who aren't Australian, let me know. Also, I have no idea what college is like lmao so I might be writing it completely wrong. Who knows. (We don't have anything like American college in AUS).

When the weekend ended and class started up again, Adam wanted to cry. As much as he gave up trying to get into this school, it was hard to enjoy the early mornings and the loads of studying he had to do weekly. Due to Ronan, Adam had to do an all-nighter to catch up on the work he ignored the entire weekend. This lead to 2 hours sleep and too much coffee.

Adam blearily stumbled around his apartment, grabbing books and trying to find his phone (it had made its way down the side of his couch the night before), before making his way down to the garage. It was a colder day, and it was raining slightly. It was the kind of weather that made you want to stay curled up in bed all day. Adam sat in his car, tried to start it, then yelled a string of words that would have made Ronan proud. He had completely forgotten that his car was dead. He smashed his hands onto the steering wheel, the horn echoing through the garage.

He got out of the car, slamming the door behind him with too much force, and headed out of the garage into the rain. He didn’t have an umbrella, but he was in too much of a bad mood to care. It felt like it fit with what Adam was feeling, his mood stormy. Adam basically stomped towards the school, which was about a 20 minute walk. He couldn’t see too far in front of him, and he was shaking. His clothes were drenched already, and he regretted his decision. _I could have just stayed home_ , he thought angrily. He stomped into a puddle, the water spraying up onto his already wet clothes. Great.

Brakes squealed from beside him, and a horn honked a couple times. Adam glanced over to see a silver BMW idling on the side walk. Ronan. Adam contemplated for a second whether to get into the car or to keep sulking, but his freezing body made the choice for him. He couldn’t feel his hands, and it took a couple tries to open the door before sliding into the passenger seat. He closed his eyes as a blast of heat hit him, thawing his frozen body.

Ronan was watching him, Adam could tell. “What the fuck, Parrish?” He growled, pulling the car away from the curb.

“Car wouldn’t start.” He said simply. He rolled his head so he was facing Ronan. Ronan wasn’t looking at him, focusing fully on the road.

“So you walked? Do you have a fucking death wish?” Ronan didn’t look at him, but Adam didn’t care too much. It was too horrid out to not look at the road.

“Don’t be dramatic.” Adam said, then sneezed. Instantly, Ronan glared at him before making a sharp turn and headed back in the direction they had just come from. “Dude, what the fuck? Schools the other way.”

“You’re not staying in those clothes all day. You can borrow some of mine.” Adam opened his mouth to retort back but Ronan glared at him. Adam crossed his arms over his chest, staring out the windshield. They drove past the turn off for Adam’s place, making their way towards the house that Gansey, Noah and Ronan shared. “What’s wrong with the car?” Ronan asked after a couple of minutes of silence.

“Looks like the starter motor.” Adam bit his lip, “Might be able to get a part at my next shift at the garage.” He shrugged.

“How much?”

Adam hesitated, “Four hundred. I’ll figure it out.” He might not be able to eat for a couple weeks, but he’ll make it work.

“If you want-” 

“You’re not paying for it.” Adam interrupted.

Anger flashed on Ronan’s face, “You can pay it back, I don’t give a shit. You need the car.” He took a hard turn, throwing Adam against the door. The BMW’s back slipped out on the wet pavement, but Ronan managed to get it under control before anything bad happened.

“I’ll think about it.” Adam said after a moment. Ronan grunted, an acknowledgement more than anything. Adam stared out the window. He knew that Ronan wasn’t pitying him, that he wasn’t flaunting his money or making him feel bad about not having a million dollar trust fund, but there was some stubborn part of him that hated being looked after. He wanted to do it by himself, because he only had himself.

Ronan pulled into the driveway of the house, sitting in the car for a second before getting out and slamming the door shut behind him. It didn’t necessarily mean that Ronan was mad when he slammed doors. It was just Ronan being Ronan. Adam followed after him, running towards the front door. Even though he was already soaked, the rain still froze him to his core. When he got into the house, he stood frozen for a couple seconds, shivering. Ronan had disappeared, but soon came back with a towel. He threw it at Adam, hitting him in the face.

“Have a shower.” He grabbed Adam’s arm, dragging him towards the bathroom, “I’ll go find you some clothes.” His hand lingered on Adam’s arm, almost as if he was hesitating, before he turned and basically ran towards his room.

The shower burned Adam’s freezing skin, but the heat was welcome. It thawed him out, and he could feel his body again. Now, Adam realised how stupid he had been to walk. He couldn’t afford to be sick, not with his schedule. He was already late to class, and knew it was be basically useless to go now. He only had one class anyway, and he was already ahead. He frowned as he washed himself now and then turned off the shower, shivering as the cool air rushed towards him. He got out the shower, grabbing his towel and then stopped when he saw the pile of clothes that had been placed on the counter. Ronan must have walked in without Adam realising. The thought of it sent a thrill up Adam’s spine.

He slid on Ronan’s clothes, the shirt baggy on his thin frame, the sweatpants hanging low on his hips. He looked like a child wearing his parents clothes. The shirt had a band name Adam didn’t know printed on it in drippy purple writing, a skull underneath it. The shirt was faded, worn from years of use. There was a hole on the bottom of it. It didn’t take him long to realise that Ronan had given Adam his favourite shirt. He didn’t know what to do with the information, throwing it to the back of his brain before balling his own clothes and the towel together and leaving the bathroom.

He found Ronan laying on his bed, scrolling through his phone. He looked up when Adam walked in, his jaw going slack for a moment before snapping shut. He ditched his phone and walked towards Adam, grabbing the mound of clothes from his hands.

“Make yourself at home. I’ll chuck these in the dryer.” He shuffled past Adam, giving him a weird look as he left. Adam shrugged it off, sprawling on Ronan’s bed. It was comfy, more comfortable that Adam had suspected. For whatever reason, Adam had assumed that Ronan would have a hard bed.

A hard cover book was laying on his bedside table, and Adam picked it up, flipping it around and reading the blurb. _Six of Crows_ the title announced, and Adam made a mental note to see if the library had this book in stock. It sounded interesting, and to be honest, he just wanted to see why Ronan liked it.

“Already snooping, Parrish? Bit too early in our relationship to be doing that.” Adam jumped as Ronan talked, dropping the book back onto the table. He looked at Ronan, who was smirking at him. Adam dipped his head, smiling sheepishly. Ronan approached the bed, sprawling over it. He threw his legs over Adam, his long figure taking up the king size bed.

“So are we just not going to go to class or?” Adam asked, hesitantly putting his hand on Ronan’s ankle. He was wearing tight jeans, so he wasn’t even touching skin, but the act itself felt so… _sensual_ to him.

Ronan looked at him, “What, you don’t want to spend a day in bed with me?” Adam had never seen Ronan flirt like that, so outright and obvious. But maybe, just maybe, he had been doing it all along and Adam was just oblivious. Probably the latter. Adam was kinda awful when it came to picking up signals. 

“I never said that.” Adam replied. This was undiscovered territory, this _flirting_ was something that Adam had never done with anyone. He never saw himself doing it with Ronan. But something about it felt so right, like they had done it before, like they had been doing it for _years_. It was so natural, and frankly, it scared the shit out of him.

“Good. Move.” Ronan shoved Adam onto one side of the bed, setting himself up on the other side. He laid down, pulling a remote from who knows where, and turned on the large flat screen that took up the majority of the opposite wall. He toed off his shoes, tossing them haphazardly around the room before snuggling into the blanket. Adam hesitated for a moment before doing the same.

“What are we watching?” Adam asked after a few moments of watching Ronan scroll through a list of television shows and movies.

“Have you seen RuPaul’s Drag Race?” Ronan asked, and Adam just stared at him for a second before nodding. He had never thought Ronan would know the show, let alone watch it. It was so… Not Ronan. In that moment, Adam realised he knew basically nothing about the man next to him, but fuck he wanted to find out more. 

They quickly decided on a season (season 5), and began watching. It was weird at first. Adam was hyper aware of Ronan laying next to him, could feel his body heat. He swore he could feel Ronan’s arm hairs touching him. He could barely breath, couldn’t focus on the show at all. _What is wrong with me?_

Ronan glanced over at him, smiling slightly when he realised Adam was watching him. He turned on his side, and Adam copied him. Ronan pressed their lips together, the kiss so soft it was barely there. Adam cupped Ronan’s cheek, deepening the kiss slightly. It was nice, and it baffled Adam how something so simple could affect him so much. 

They broke away when the front door of the house was thrown open, loud voices floating through the large home. Adam went to sit up but Ronan grabbed his hand, pulling him back down.

“Let me just...” He trailed off before kissing Adam once more. It was still painfully soft, but there was something else; lust. Ronan pushed Adam onto the bed, moving so he was straddling him. Adam groaned softly at the feel of Ronan’s dick pressing against his own. “Quiet.” Ronan whispered in his ear before biting at the lobe softly. Adam didn’t know he was into that, but _god_ he so was. He couldn’t help it, he groaned again. Instantly, the voices in the other room quieted. “Now you’ve done it.” Ronan pressed one last kiss to his mouth before getting off.

“Ronan?” Gansey’s voice bounded through the house.

“I’m here.” Ronan glanced at the door before putting his hand under the blanket. Adam watched him curiously, his eyes widening in understanding when Ronan undid the buttons of Adam’s jeans. “Adam’s here, too.”

Adam heard a couple “ _Adam?_ ” before Ronan slid his hand under his pants, cupping his dick. He closed his eyes, biting his lip to keep from groaning. Ronan ran his hand along his length, playing with the tip for a moment before repeating the motion again. 

Adam glared at him, but the illusion was shattered when his eyes rolled back in pleasure. “What are you doing?” He basically groaned.

Ronan didn’t answer, grinning like a shark as he continued to jack him off. His other hand began wandering, moving up Adam’s shirt. He stopped at the nipples, rubbing one. Then suddenly, the touch was gone and Ronan was tucking Adam’s hard dick away and buttoning up his pants before putting his attention back onto the television. Moment later the door burst open. Gansey, Blue and Noah stood at the doorway, watching the two of them.

“What are you guys doing?” Noah asked. He bent his head around the door to see the TV, “Oh! Drag Race!” He squealed.

“Is that Ronan’s shirt?” Blue said sharply.

Adam opened his mouth to speak, but Ronan was quicker. “We had sex.”

Complete silence, then Noah burst out laughing. Gansey and Blue followed. Adam turned his head slightly to Ronan, who winked at him. _Tease_ , Adam mouthed at him. Ronan just grinned.

“Call me if you need condoms,” Noah said at the same time as Gansey said, “Be safe!”. Blue watched them for a moment before rolling her eyes, “You guys are idiots.” They all shuffled out the room, closing the door behind them.

Adam let out a breath, and Ronan burst out laughing. The sound made Adam freeze and then slowly turn to face him. Ronan had the biggest smile Adam had ever seen, and it completely transformed his face. Adam decided he would burn cities for that smile.

“Do you think they know?” Adam asked when Ronan’s laughter subsided.

“Who the fuck cares.” Ronan replied, he placed a kiss on Adam’s mouth before turning back to the TV. 

At that moment, Adam didn’t care. He had never come out to his friends, not properly, but he knew they would be okay with it, happy even. He realised that this was what he wanted: Ronan, happiness. _Ronan_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had to chuck some references in lmao. Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo is an _amazing_ book series, and if you haven't read it you should go check it out! ALSO, RuPaul's Drag Race, because I'm obsessed. Honey. Hoooneeey. 
> 
> (if you get the reference I love you)
> 
> When Adam was referring to the price of the starter motor as $400, that is the amount I have personally had to pay to get it replaced. It is in Australian money, and it probably not accurate everywhere. I'm just going with what I know.
> 
> ***Please feel free to message me on tumblr: outofthe-blue***


	6. High as a Kite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam and Ronan get high

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains marijuana use. If it makes you uncomfortable, please feel free to skip this chapter.
> 
> It's a shorter chapter than usual, but I really wanted to write about the two of them getting high idek it doesn't add anything to the story really haha

_****drug use (marijuana). ALSO there is probably Aussie slang words for certain things about smoking weed that I’m not aware in only Australian. If this occurs, please let me know!!****_

Adam let Ronan pay for his car. He was to pay him back, of course, but Ronan made him promise he would look after himself (“ _I have enough money to feed a small town for fifty years. Don’t worry about paying me back until you can afford it._ ”). Soon enough, the Hondayota was back on the road… for now.

Adam knew that Ronan didn’t want the money, didn’t _need_ the money, but Adam still felt obliged to pay him back. He needed to, to feel whole and normal. It was the only way he could stomach Ronan doing anything for him. The shame that had drowned him when he said yes to Ronan’s offer was proof enough that something was wrong with Adam. Ronan didn’t think any less of Adam for it, no one did, and they were actually happy that he got help. But Adam hated himself for it, hated how he had to rely on other people to get by. He wanted nothing more than to snatch back the credit card as Ronan swiped it through the machine and throw it back at Ronan, to sell everything he had to pay for it _himself_. But the logical part in his brain told him that this was okay, that this is what friends did. Help out. Ronan was not being judgemental or mocking him, he was being Ronan, being whatever the hell they were. Not a couple, but not friends. Something in-between that was strange yet so natural. 

Adam knew, then, that only Ronan offer would have been accepted. If Gansey or Noah offered to pay for his car, he would have been mad. He would have been so furious, so ashamed. He would have thought it was the opposite of what it was. Friendship. Ronan was… Different. Ronan was in a different league all together.

Adam parked out the front of the house his friends shared. He had been summoned by Ronan, who was apparently bored and lonely because Gansey, Blue, Noah and some girl called Willow were on a double date. _Willow_ , Ronan had scoffed, _Were her parents high when they named her?_ Adam was sure she was a nice girl, but he couldn’t help but agree. But then again, his best friend was called Blue, so he didn’t think he could really judge.

Ronan didn’t answer immediately when he knocked on the door, and it was only after Adam knocked a couple more times did he actually answer. He was standing in his boxers, a coffee cup in his hand. He smiled when he looked at Adam, and it made his heart do flips in his chest.

“Parrish.” Ronan said in greeting, “I was wondering when you would miss me too much to stay away.”

“You literally told me to come here, asshole.” He scoffed, pushing past Ronan, “But yes, you’re right.” He said the last part to see what type of reaction he would get. He wasn’t disappointed, Ronan’s pale skin went red slightly, and Adam couldn’t keep himself from grinning.

“I know you’re a law-abiding citizen and all...” Ronan trailed off as he made his way through the house.

“Shut the fuck up, Lynch.” Adam snorted, following Ronan through the house. “What are we doing?”

Ronan didn’t answer for a second, ushering Adam inside his room and shutting the door, locking it too. “Do you smoke?” 

“...Cigarettes? No.” Adam said after a moment, watching as Ronan opened a draw and started throwing clothes on the floor. Eventually, he made a noise of triumph as he pulled out a large object covered in Simpson boxers. 

“No, dumbass. Weed.” He put what Adam now realised must be a bong onto his drawers, pulling a lighter from his pocket. Adam hadn’t noticed initially, but Ronan had also pulled out a tub containing ground green chunks.

“Oh. No.” He had never tried it, had never really thought about it. He wasn’t against the use of marijuana, and it had proven benefits, but he had never thought that Ronan was smoking. Immediately, he re-evaluated almost all his memories with Ronan, something clicking into place. He must have been smoking for a while now.

Ronan wiggled the bong towards Adam, “Do you wanna?” He tipped the contents of a quarter full bottle of water into the large glass bong, sucking on it for a second, before joining Adam on the bed. He opened the tub of weed, placing some of the plant into the cone piece.

“Okay.” He was nervous, just a little bit. He knew that weed was technically legal now, but he had grown up with his father constantly bashing people who smoked it. Now, Adam realised it was a ‘kettle calling the pot black’ moment. His father was an alcoholic, which is far worse than having a casual smoke now and then.

Ronan didn’t respond, just light the piece and began sucking up the smoke. Adam watched him, a little transfixed. Ronan’s cheeks were hollowed out, his eyes closed in concentration. As soon as he pulled through all the smoke, he exhaled slowly. Watching the smoke leave Ronan’s mouth, Adam realised that he was stupidly attracted to it. The act of it. He couldn’t explain it, didn’t even know himself. Ronan opened his eyes slowly, facing Adam. He had a smile on his face, his body more relaxed than Adam had ever seen it.

“Do you want to try? You don’t have to.” Ronan was watching him, studying him. Adam knew that Ronan wouldn’t care if he said no, if he declined. He would have shrugged and then continued smoking. It was completely his choice, and Ronan’s attitude alone made up his mind for him. 

Adam nodded, “Yeah… Yeah, I will.” Ronan grinned at him then, and Adam felt his breath catch. Ronan was something else entirely, something _more_. Adam couldn’t put his finger on what, on why he was feeling so light and open in his presence.

“Okay, you will cough. The first couple times are the absolute fucking worse, but it gets better.” Ronan said as he packed the cone, considerably smaller than what he had packed for himself. “Put your hand on the shotty,” He showed Adam the small hole at the back of the bong, “Let go of that when you have pulled through. It’ll burn the first time.”

Adam took the bong in his hands, the glass contraption feeling bulky and unnatural. He placed his lips on it, and Ronan lit the weed for him. As soon as the smoke hit his throat, it began to burn. He kept pulling until he had to pull away, exhaling. He watched the smoke leave his mouth in a wisp.

“You didn’t cough.” Ronan said, watching him, “I’m impressed Parrish.”

Adam could feel the marijuana kick in almost instantly. His body feeling sluggish, tired, heavy. It wasn’t a bad feeling, it was relaxing. He felt like he was seeing life from someone else’s perspective, watching Ronan through someone else’s eyes.

Ronan took the bong from him, pulling another cone for himself before looking at him, “Another?”

They took it in turns to have a smoke, and Adam lost count of how many he had. He liked it, just being with Ronan like this. It was something he had never thought he would experience, and it was _nice_. Eventually, Ronan announced he was hungry and ordered pizza to be delivered to the house. Adam didn’t complain when Ronan ordered him a pizza too. He knew there was no point, and he didn’t want to bring down the mood.

When Ronan hung up, Adam turned to him. He placed his hand on Ronan’s knee, watching how his iris’ dilated as he did so. He move himself so he was basically sitting on him, his nose in the crook of Ronan’s neck. He pressed down a light kiss, and Ronan shivered, his hands coming up to rest on Adam’s hips. Adam did it again, trailing kisses from Ronan’s neck to his jaw to his collarbones.

“ _Adam_ ” Ronan’s voice was a whisper, so soft that Adam could barely hear it. But it was there, and it sent a shock through his spine. Everything felt… more. Everything was amplified, sensitive. It was amazing, and Adam never wanted it to stop.

The doorbell rang and instantly Ronan was pushing Adam back, “Pizza.” He said as an explanation. Adam didn’t argue, realising then how hungry he really was. He heard of the munchies… But damn, it was the real deal. Soon enough, Ronan returned, a piece of pizza hanging out of his mouth.

They both ate in silence, watching a random movie Ronan had turned on. Adam couldn’t think straight, yet he was in complete control of himself. It wasn’t like when he was drunk, he could still be normal, he still felt like _Adam_. He glanced at Ronan, a smile on his face. Ronan was completely engrossed into the movie, shoving food in his mouth without looking. This had lead to sauce smeared across his face and pieces of meat on his clothes. Adam let out a small giggle, unable to keep it in.

Ronan glanced at him, “What?” He asked, his mouth still full of food.

Adam let out a bark of laughter, “Nothing. Nothing.” Ronan eyed him suspiciously before turning back to the TV.

 _I could get used to this_ , Adam thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Please feel free to message me on tumblr: outofthe-blue***


	7. Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan invited Adam to Declan's engagement party at the Barns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day wow. I hope you guys enjoy :)

“You have got to be kidding.” Adam eyed the invitation in front of him, the curled letters inviting Ronan to a party.

“Declan’s forcing me to go. Don’t make me go alone.” Ronan stared at him, trying to pull puppy-eyes at him.

“I don’t have a suit.” Adam frowned, trying to figure out if he could take time off work and still eat. Probably not.

“We’ll get you one. Come on, Parrish, don’t make me beg you.” Ronan winked at him, grabbing the invitation back from Adam.

Adam feigned consideration, his finger touching his chin, “Well, Lynch, I do like to see you on your knees...”

Ronan shoved his arm, shaking his head. “If that’s what it takes, that’s what it takes.”

Adam scoffed, but took the invitation back from Ronan, looking at it once more. _You are invited to the engagement party of Declan T. Lynch and Ashley L. Moore_ , the fancy paper stated. It looked very formal, which scared Adam a bit. “Why not ask Gansey or Noah?” They would be more… _suitable_ for the role.

“Didn’t want to. Look, there’s free food and you can see me in a suit.” When Adam didn’t reply immediately, Ronan sighed, “Dude, please?”

“Wait, did I just hear Ronan Lynch say _please_? Fuck, well now I have to.” He grinned at Ronan, who frowned at him, “Fine, yes okay.”

Ronan let out a _whoop!_ and grabbed Adam’s head in his hands, “I might not want to kill myself anymore.” He stated before kissing Adam’s lips. “We leave tomorrow.”

“ _Tomorrow!?_ How the fuck-?”

“I already booked work off. We’re on break now anyways.” Ronan looked at his hands, which had dropped away from Adam’s face. Questions raced around Adam’s mind: How had Ronan known his schedule? What would have happened if Adam had said no? Would Adam have said no? He had no answers to any of these questions, which frustrated him more than anything.

It had been a couple weeks since the start of their relationship, if you could call it that. So far, no one had caught on. Blue seemed suspicious, but Adam wasn’t too worried. Gansey was so oblivious, and more than likely Noah already knew. Noah seemed to know everything. Things had escalated between the two of them, and Adam didn’t know exactly what to think. He liked what he had with Ronan, loved it really, but he couldn’t help but want _more_. He knew he couldn’t ask that, however, and Ronan had made it very clear that he was not looking for a relationship and that this was casual. Adam was okay with that, obviously, and he didn’t know what he felt for Ronan. The longer he spent with the man, the more he liked him. He couldn’t help but notice the little things; how Ronan’s hand twitches slightly before he takes Adam’s hand, like he convinces himself that it’s okay, the way he speaks at night, that he only eats cereal with a fuck-tonne of sugar. It was noticing these things that made Adam realise that maybe it wasn’t just a casual thing for him, maybe he subconsciously wanted more. It scared the shit out of him.

“Go pack.” Ronan nudged him, picking up a controller for the Playstation. “The taxi picks us up early in the morning.”

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Adam asked as he stood up, dusting the crumbs from the sandwich he had earlier off of him.

“I wanted to be sure.” Was all Ronan said, falling silent. He didn’t elaborate, even when prompted, so Adam shrugged and turned away.

\- - -

The flight was only over an hour long, but Adam felt as though he had been in there forever. The plane was smaller than others he had been on, and it showed. He felt like he couldn’t breath.

“Aren’t you meant to have a private jet?” Adam asked halfway through the flight. He was feeling faint, nauseous.

“Excuse me?” Ronan looked up from his phone, his eyebrows raised in amusement.

“Aren’t rich people meant to own private jets?”

Ronan let out a startled laugh, “What the fuck.” Was all he said before turning back to his phone. Adam let out a frustrated sigh. He had gotten the window seat (much to Ronan’s disapproval), and he stared moodily out the window. It was barely past 7am, and he felt it. Adam felt Ronan’s hand on his leg, and glanced over to see him still on his phone. It was a comforting weight, and Adam relaxed slightly for the rest of the flight.

It was a couple more hours drive to Henrietta when they landed, and Adam snoozed the whole way, his head wresting on Ronan’s shoulder. At first, he was worried he would push Adam away, but Ronan just snaked his arm around Adam’s waist, holding him closer. Adam smiled, pressing a soft kiss to Ronan’s neck before nodding off to sleep.

\- - - 

The Barns, as Ronan called it, was the complete opposite of what Adam had imagined. Yet, it felt so _Ronan_ , that he understood how he grew up here. It was a farm, and it was charming. Adam instantly fell in love with it, trying to picture himself if he grew up in a place like this. Adam knew that Ronan’s parents loved him, that he had a good relationship with his father before he passed, and that he got on well with his brothers… To a point. Adam’s heart ached, and for a second he felt a shot of jealousy go through him. He quickly squashed it, refusing to ruin the day for everyone else by being in a bad mood.

Ronan showed Adam to his old room, where they would be sleeping. Aurora, Ronan’s mother, had offered Adam his own room, but Ronan promptly denied it. Adam had shot Ronan a strange look, but had gone with it. 

Everything about Ronan’s life seemed picturesque, but Adam knew there was a hole in Ronan’s heart. A hole that Niall Lynch used to fill. It was obvious throughout the house that he had been a big part in their lives. Pictures of the family dotted the house, strange artefacts in cupboards had begun to store dust. Ronan was trying not to look too hard at them, that was obvious, and Adam wondered how long it had been since Ronan had been at the family home. He had begun to theorise that maybe after Niall’s death, Ronan had run. He didn’t like college, but he went anyway. To have something to do? To keep his mind from his father? Adam frowned storing the thoughts away for another time.

Ronan had stood behind Adam when he met Declan, his chest touching Adam’s back. He wasn’t entirely sure what it meant, but the look that crossed Declan’s face was complicated, confused, then understanding. He shook Adam’s hand, his grip strong, welcoming Adam to the family. Adam had smiled, unsure what to reply with, until Ronan had shot an insult at Declan and steered Adam away. Adam glanced back to see Declan smiling slightly, shaking his head.

After dinner, a roast made by Aurora that made Adam realise where Ronan had gotten his cooking talent, Ronan had lead him out of the house and into one of the fields. Cows and horses wandered around aimlessly, and just seeing the animals was relaxing.

“Hurry up, Parrish, we don’t have all night.” Ronan said impatiently when Adam stopped for the third time to pet a horse, but he was smiling so Adam knew he was having a good time. He pulled himself away from the horse, following Ronan to a field behind the one holding the horses. Ronan ducked under the wire fence, holding the wire up so Adam could do the same.

“Where are we going?” Adam asked after a while, glancing at Ronan. It was getting dark, and Ronan had pulled out his phone torch light so he could see where they were going.

“Just follow me.” Ronan said simply, and Adam did. They were silent until they reached a bench that had been painted yellow, but had faded over the years. Paintings of flowers and animals covered the bench, and Adam had a feeling that this was Ronan’s doing.

“What is this place?” Adam asked when they sat down on the bench.

Adam didn’t answer for a moment, staring off into the night. “Dad made it for me when I was young. I… I used to come here a lot, to think. I haven’t come here since-” He broke off, but Adam knew what he meant. Since his dads passing.

“I’m sorry, Ronan.” Adam whispered. He didn’t know what else to say.

“I found him, you know.” Ronan said, and Adam snapped his head up to face him. Ronan had never said how Niall Lynch had died, and Adam had never wanted to pry. But now… Adam sat in complete silence, barely breathing, as Ronan continued. “He was on the driveway. I… He had been beaten to death and just _left_ there,” Ronan’s voice cracked, “He was dead before we called the ambulance. We never found out who did it.”

Adam didn’t say anything, couldn’t get his brain to find the right words. He took Ronan’s hand, pressing his lips to Ronan’s hand. They didn’t speak for a while, just sitting in silence. Adam knew that nothing he could say would fix Ronan, not that he needed to be fixed in the first place.

Eventually, Adam pulled Ronan onto the soft grass, laying on his back. He pointed out the constellations in the sky, and Ronan smiled. The smile made the whole thing worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***please feel free to message me on tumblr:outofthe-blue***


	8. Until Nothing Remains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Questions are asked, but no real answers are given.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... I wrote some more. 3 in one day. Maybe more. I just _love_ writing this story so much I literally can't stop! Hopefully be able to finish this one soon. :)

When Adam woke up the next morning, his back hurt and he needed a piss, but Ronan was wrapped around him, snoring softly in the crook of his neck. Adam couldn’t help the stupid smile that broke out, and he was sure he was blushing.

Adam had a crush on Ronan. It was obvious now, and Adam kind of hated it. It was fine until Ronan started being domestic, started treating Adam like they were together. He didn’t know whether he was looking too much into it, changing scenarios in his head to make it seem like Ronan was treating Adam more like a friend. Adam sighed, closing his eyes again. Would he even be able to deal with not being more than friends with benefits? He had to. He would rather have this than nothing at all.

Sunlight shone through the open window, a rooster cried from somewhere on the large property. It must only be early. Adam knew he should try to get more sleep, but he couldn’t get his brain to shut up. It just kept swirling around the realisation that he liked Ronan, and the fact that Ronan wasn’t interested in him like that. A casual fuck, someone to make out with every now and then.

Adam had to keep reminding himself of this in times when Ronan was treating him like something else, like something more. Right now, with Ronan wrapped around Adam, he forced himself to remember what he agreed. He couldn’t force more, couldn’t make Ronan do something that he didn’t want. The thought hurt, more than Adam thought it would. God, he was in so much shit.

Ronan made a little noise, one Adam now associated as Ronan waking up. It was more of a moan than anything, but it was a little bit adorable, and Adam hated him for it. He hated every time Ronan did something that made Adam consider his feelings, their relationship. Because Ronan had made it clear that this was all it was. Friends who had sex.

Adam watched as Ronan opened his eyes, wincing at the beam of light shining into his face. He noticed Adam watching him, and put on a sleepy smile. “Watching me while I sleep? Creepy, Parrish.” The words were without malice, with no force behind them. Adam didn’t say anything, just watched as Ronan untangled himself and stretched out like a cat.

Ronan didn’t wear a shirt when he slept, and rarely wore pants. It was a confusing time for Adam sexually when he walked in on Ronan butt naked before they were… Whatever the hell they are now. Now, seeing Ronan naked was normal. Beautiful and breathtaking, but normal. Today, however, Ronan was wearing pants.

“What time is it?” Ronan mumbled, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

Adam grabbed his phone from the bedside table, “Like 8. We should probably get up before your mum comes in, you probably don’t want to explain this.” He motioned to himself. When Ronan gave him a confused look, Adam continued, “She thinks I slept on the floor, dude.”

“Oh, right.” Ronan blinked a couple times before sliding off the bed, landing on the mattress that had been set up on the floor beside Ronan’s bed. He rolled around a bit, messing up the sheets. “Now she will never know.” He said it with a wink, but Adam still felt his stomach sink. He didn’t realise that Ronan might not be out to his mother, and had never thought about what it would mean for him to have to explain his and Adam’s relationship to her. No, they were just very good friends.

Adam hauled himself out of bed, pulling some track-pants on. He could feel his mood slowly dropping, and he hated it. It was Ronan’s brother’s engagement party, he needed to get over his shit and be happy for him.

Ronan stood up, grabbing Adam’s wrist and dragging him towards him. Ronan placed a hand on Adam’s cheek, and Adam resisted the urge to pull away. What was _wrong_ with him?

Ronan pressed a quick kiss to Adam’s lips, “I can’t wait to see you in your suit.” He whispered, running his hand along Adam’s collarbone.

Adam paused for a second, “I don’t have one.” The thought of it made his heart sink, his head to start pounding. He had nothing to wear. Everyone was going to judge him for it, because he was trailer trash poor and-

“I got one made for you on the plane. It should be arriving soon.” Ronan took a step back, “Relax, Parrish. You’re going to be fine.”

Adam gave him a tight smile, “Of course.”

Ronan cocked his head slightly, “What’s up?”

“Nothing. Just… Just nervous.” Adam said, and Ronan gave him a large smile. It made Adam’s heart stutter, his breathing stop. It made him question everything Adam had ever believed in.

“You’re doing great.” Ronan took a step towards him again, placing his hands on Adam’s waist, “You’re amazing.” He placed his lips on Adam’s, and Adam couldn’t help but lean into the kiss. He couldn’t think of anything he would rather be doing, and everything else paled in comparison to what was happening right now.

“Thank you.” Adam said as they pulled away.

“You’re welcome, but shit dude, go brush your teeth. You have the worst morning breath.” Adam gave him the finger and Ronan smirked at him as he left. He felt lighter than he had this morning, but still down. 

Oh, how he wished Ronan liked him back.

\- - - 

The party started at noon, but the guests started arriving at around ten. At around 8:30, however, a teenage boy with golden hair had galloped straight up to Ronan, abandoning his bags at the door with an annoyed looking elderly woman. Adam immediately guessed that this was Matthew, Ronan’s younger brother.

“Ronan!” He cried, holding out his fist. Ronan bumped it, a smile on his face. Adam had seen the change in Ronan when he saw Matthew, how he had instantly relaxed, how his whole demeanour changed. Matthew Lynch meant the world to Ronan.

“Hey pal,” Ronan said, “This is Adam, my...” He trailed off, but Matthew didn’t seem to notice. He immediately jumped into a conversation about his boarding school, not seeming to care that Adam was a complete stranger.

“Are you talking poor Ro and Adam to death, love?” Aurora Lynch walked up to Matthew, placing a kiss on his locks. Matthew smiled sheepishly. Aurora shook her head, before looking up at Ronan. “You two should probably begin to get ready, guests will be arriving soon. You too, chickadee.” She said the last part to Matthew, who saluted her before running off to what Adam assumed to be his room.

“Oh, Adam.” Aurora called when the two had turned to retreat back into the room, “Your suit is on the bed. It arrived this morning.”

“Thank you, Ms. Lynch.” Adam said, turning up his country charm. He wasn’t sure why he wanted to impress Ronan’s family so much, but he did. It counted, somehow.

“Call me Aurora, sweet. I’ll call you both down when guests start to arrive.” She waved them off before floating towards the kitchen.

“ _Thank you, Ms. Lynch_ ,” Ronan intimidated, “God, you’re so polite.”

“You would rather I be rude to your mother?” Adam shot back as they made their way up the stairs. Ronan didn’t reply, just shot him a grin and pushed past Adam so he could get to the landing first.

“I win.” He stated, smirking at Adam.

“You wish, Lynch.” Adam said as he shoved Ronan aside and rushed towards his room. Ronan let out a snarl and he could hear him pounding behind him, getting closer. Adam reached the room first, basically throwing himself through the door and onto the mattress that took up most of the floor.

“Cheater.” Ronan said as he reached the door, observing Adam laying on the bed. After a moment, he closed the door behind him and joined Adam. He pushed him onto his back straddling him. Ronan positioned his head so their noses touched. Softly, Adam leant up and kissed Ronan. 

Immediately, Ronan kissed him back. He pressed him harder against the mattress, the kiss turning dirty and rough. It turned Adam on more than it should have. Adam made a noise into the kiss, which Ronan responded by grinding their pelvis’ together.

“Fuck, Ronan.” Adam whispered, breaking from the kiss. Ronan was above him, breathing heavily. “What are we?” He asked, surprising even himself.

“What do you mean?” Ronan asked after a moment of silence. He slid off Adam, sitting beside him. He was playing with the leather bands that were on his wrists.

“I mean, what are we?” Adam repeated. He sat up, turning to face Ronan.

“We are what we are.” Ronan said gruffly, and when Adam frowned he hissed, “What do you want from me?”

The words jolted Adam, and he looked at Ronan. Really looked at him. “Nothing.” He said after a moment before standing. He gathered his things from the end of Ronan’s bed before moving to the door. He glanced at Ronan, who was still sitting on the bed and playing with his bracelets, before leaving the room to get changed in the bathroom.

The suit fit him like a glove, and Adam wasn’t sure how Ronan knew his exact measurements. It was a traditional black suit with a white undershirt, but it was expensive. Probably the most expensive thing Adam was going to wear in his entire life. The thought made him cringe and he wished, not for the first time, that he hadn’t grown up with pure filth. Maybe then, he might have felt worth standing here in a suit that cost more than his car. But he just felt… Wrong. 

He stared at himself in the mirror, sweeping back his hair and bracing himself slightly. He didn’t know what Ronan was doing, how he would react to Adam coming back. They had fought before, of course because this is Ronan Lynch, but this time was different. He didn’t know what had changed, but something had.

He made his way from the bathroom, hesitated before knocking on Ronan’s bedroom door. Ronan made a noise which Adam took as ‘come in’, and pushed open the door. Ronan was half dressed, in a button up shirt but no pants. His pants were pooled around his ankles.

“Damn, Parrish, you clean up good.” Ronan said, looking Adam up and down. Adam could feel himself blushing, but tried to ignore it.

“I would say the same, but...” He gestured to Ronan, who smirked at him before pulling up the black slacks. Adam watched, almost transfixed, as Ronan looped his belt and put on his jacket. When it came to the tie, Ronan hesitated. “Don’t tell me you don’t know how to tie a tie.” Adam snorted.

“Shut the fuck up.” Ronan growled.

“Here, let me.” Adam hopped up, taking the tie from Ronan’s hands and looping it around his neck. He was so close to Ronan he could feel his breath on his cheek. He tied the tie, patting Ronan on the chest before stepping back, “I thought you went to some private school. Don’t they make you wear ties, like, every day?”

“Mum did it for me.” Ronan said in a low voice. Adam cooed at him, pinching Ronan’s cheek. Ronan slapped his hand away, holding it tightly, “Fuck off, Parrish.”

“It’s just cute.” Adam grinned. Ronan turned around without saying anything, but Adam grabbed his hand, spinning him around. He pulled Ronan closer, pressing a kiss to Ronan’s lips. He pulled away, opening his mouth to say something, when he heard Aurora’s voice echo around the house, telling them the first guests were arriving.

“You ready?” Adam asked.

“Party.” Ronan replied, chucking on the fakest smile Adam had ever seen. He couldn’t help but snort out laughter, following Ronan out of the room and into the party.

\- - -

The party was a success, and Adam actually felt good for attending. He could tell it meant a lot to Ronan, him being here and his family being in one house again. As much as Ronan bagged on Declan, Adam could tell he genuinely cared for his elder brother, and was glad to see him happy. Watching the Lynch brothers interact with each other made Adam wish he had contact with his family. 

As much as he hated his mother and father, they had raised him. He had spent 18 years of his life living under their roof, and though it might have been the most traumatic time in his life, he couldn’t help but miss _having_ a family. Stockholm syndrome at its finest.

Adam hung around the outskirts of the living room, which Aurora had turned into a ballroom of sorts, sipping on a drink and just generally watching everyone. Everyone was happy, but Declan and soon-to-be Ashley Lynch were the happiest. They never left each others side, smiling at each other and just being so in love it hurt. People flocked to the couple, congratulating and gushing about the wedding.

“I hope the wedding isn’t for another, like 5 years. Don’t think I can handle another one of these for a long time.” Ronan had appeared next to him, a cup of brown liquid in his hand. He had ditched his coat a couple hours earlier, and loosened his tie so it hung on either side of his neck. The first couple of buttons were undone to show his toned chest. Adam tried not to stare.

“You’re doing fine.” Adam said simply, taking a sip of the bourbon in his cup and wincing at the taste.

Ronan didn’t reply for a while, and Adam glanced to his left to see if he was even still there. Ronan was staring at him, biting his lip. Adam raised his eyebrow, and Ronan cleared his throat a little, “Care to dance, Parrish?”

Adam bowed slightly, “Of course, Lynch.”

Ronan took Adam’s hand, leading him onto the dance floor. Couples were dancing to the music already, and Ronan and Adam pushed their way through writhing bodies until they were able to move comfortably. Ronan placed both his hands on Adam’s hips, and Adam placed his hands on Ronan’s shoulders.

They swayed to the beat, and Adam couldn’t help but think of the first time they kissed, while they were dancing, much like this, at a party. He smiled softly at Ronan, who was watching him with intensity.

It was nice, dancing with Ronan. It felt good, natural in a way that shocked Adam. They fit together well. Adam placed his head on Ronan’s shoulder, closing his eyes and letting the music drift him away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Feel free to message me on tumblr: outofthe-blue***


	9. Don't Tell Me if I'm Dying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reveal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovelies. This one is almost done, but still a couple chapters left. Hope you enjoy!

* _Adam_ *  
Gansey had stopped him a week after Ronan and Adam had returned from Henrietta. He was biting his lip, his eyebrows furrowed. “Are you and Ronan dating?” He had asked, and when Adam didn’t answer immediately he said, “It’s okay if you are! I just don’t know why you would keep it from us. You know we would support the both of you.”

Adam had let out a laugh, but there was no humour in it. “We aren’t dating.” He said. It was true, though Adam wished it was different. Being normal around Ronan was getting harder and harder every day.

“Are you sure? Because-”

“I’m pretty sure I would know if we were dating.” Adam interrupted him, putting his hand on Gansey’s arm. “I would tell you if anything serious was going on.”

That made Gansey frown more, and he unconsciously flipped his phone between his fingers. The act made Adam uncomfortable, a thousand dollars so close to being broken. It hurt him to look at it. “Okay, I guess.” Gansey wasn’t happy with the answer, and neither was Adam, to be completely honest.

The conversation had stuck with Adam for weeks, clawing at his mind. He and Ronan had continued to see each other, and Adam had always felt the happiest when he was around Ronan. Just something about him… It hurt Adam to know that Ronan wasn’t his, that he could never call him his boyfriend. He always felt completely and utterly comfortable arount Ronan, had never felt judged or forced to be someone he wasn’t. He was allowed to be Adam Parrish, the boy who came from nothing.

Which made it harder when Adam was standing at Ronan’s door, hesitating to knock. He knew he couldn’t go on like this. It was hard, and he knew that Ronan was either going to tell him to get the fuck out or be his boyfriend. Adam had the sinking feeling it was going to be the former.

He thought back to the day before Declan’s engagement party, how Ronan’s entire demeanour changed when Adam had asked what they were. _We are what we are. What do you want from me?_ It had been a shitty moment, something that had been the decider in his decision to go to Ronan’s in the first place. He couldn’t pretend that Ronan meant nothing to him, couldn’t pretend his feeling towards Ronan were casual. Because he was in love with him, god dammit, and he couldn’t go on pretending that this was _okay_ , because it wasn’t.

The front door opened up as Adam’s hand hovered over it, about to knock. Ronan stood before him, watching Adam in a curious way. He was wearing track pants and no shirt, and Adam could see the edges of his tattoo on his shoulder blade. Seeing Ronan always knocked the air out of him, always made him pause.

_Maybe he only wants something casual because he’s too embarrassed to call you his boyfriend,_ he thought bitterly, _Maybe its pity_. The thoughts made Adam frown, and Ronan’s brow furrowed slightly.

“Everything okay, Parrish?” He asked, he brought his hand up to touch Adam’s arm.

“Fine.” Adam said simply, even though nothing was fine and he felt like he was dying. Loving Ronan Lynch was like _dying_.

Ronan let him into the house, and Adam followed behind him as they went to his room. This had become habit, to venture into one of the only places Ronan kept secret. He hated people in his room, yet he allowed Adam in. They had had sex in this room multiple times, and Adam decided that was the only reason that Ronan let him in. Sex.

Ronan turned on Adam as soon as he closed the door, “I’m not having a pity party for you. Cheer up or fuck off.” The words were light, a joke, but it made Adam’s stomach plummet.

“We need to talk.” He said, the words almost a whisper. He felt light headed, sick. He wanted to be somewhere else, anywhere else. He wanted to run away. _Like you run from every other problem in your life. Man up._ The thought made him take a deep breath, and actually look Ronan in the eye for the first time that day.

“Okay.” The word was drawn out, but Adam could see the flicker of hesitation, of unease.

“I can’t do this any more,” Adam said, his voice almost a whisper. “I can’t go around pretending everything is okay, that I’m fine with what’s happening.”

“What do you mean?” Ronan ground out. He wasn’t looking at Adam, staring at the door frame behind his head.

“You go around and you act like we’re in a relationship. You can’t fuck with me like that. We both know you want nothing to do with me, not like that. So just fucking stop.”

“I’m not doing shit.”

Adam let out a harsh laugh, “Gansey asked me if we were _dating_ earlier. He was upset we didn’t tell him.”

Ronan shrugged, “Again, that doesn’t mean shit.”

Adam let out a frustrated growl, “Listen, I can’t pretend to be something I’m not. Because I don’t want to just be _friends with benefits_ any more.”

“What do you want, then, Parrish?” The words were low, a warning growl.

Adam wanted to leave. He had lost his nerve, he needed to go. He’s going to ruin everything. Why couldn’t he just be happy with what he already had? Why did he have to be greedy and ruin it. “Nothing. Everything.”

“I don’t want to.”

Adam felt his heart shatter. His head spun, his felt his face burn with rage. “Why? Why the fuck not? Am I too embarrassing to be seen with? Why the hell would you want to be seen with trailer trash anyway, right?”

“That’s not what I said.” Ronan’s face was pinched with anger, his hands balled into fists. Adam thought he might punch him, kind of wished he would.

“Might as well as.”

“I don’t want to be with you, Adam Parrish, because I don’t want to constantly tip toe around you.” Ronan’s words were forced, barely audible.

“The fuck does that mean?” Adam didn’t want to know. He wanted this conversation to be over. He wanted to die.

“I can’t do anything without you questioning me. If I can’t fucking buy you food to survive how the fuck do you think I’m going to stick around?” Adam raised his fist slightly, and Adam flinched. Ronan let out snarled, “You think I’m going to hit you? Is that what you fucking think of me?” He turned around before pounding his fist into the wall. Adam winced as Ronan turned back around, blood dripping from his knuckles. “Is it? Do you think I’m going to do what your father did to you? Are you going to think you deserve it?”

“Stop.” Adam’s voice was small, and he could feel himself falling. He did deserve it. He wanted Ronan to hit him, to put him in his place. He shouldn’t have spoken at all.

“No, because obviously I’m an abusive asshole. Why the fuck are you even here?” Ronan sneered at Adam, “What do you want?”

“I wanted-” Adam started and then stopped, rubbing his eyes. “I wanted to know if you felt the way I did. The answer is obvious. I won’t bother you again.”

“Are you giving up?” Ronan yelled at him, “Who the fuck do you think you are?”

“No. No, you fucking listen here. You fucking played me. You made me fall in love with you _knowing_ you would never feel the same.”

“What did you say?” The words were low, and Adam couldn’t figure out what the tone was. He didn’t care.

“Fuck you, Ronan Lynch.” Adam spat before storming out the room. He managed to get out of the house before the tears started to fall, before he couldn’t breath. It was raining, and he could hear thunder in the distance. It fit his mood almost perfectly.

He sat in his car for a second, letting the tears fall. He let himself sob, let himself grieve. He knew, now, what Ronan wanted all along. Not Adam, that was for sure. Never Adam. He glanced at the door to find it closed. Adam didn’t know why he thought Ronan would have followed him, would have tried to make it right. He had given his hopes up for nothing.

He started the car, slamming on the gas as he drove into the rainy night.

\- - -

* _Ronan_ *

Ronan stood still, unable to process what had just happened.

He had never seen Adam that mad, had never seen him give up the way he had in the room. His heart was pounding, his head spinning. He couldn’t move. He was paralysed, unable to escape his own head.

He don’t know how long he stood there, staring at the place Adam had just been standing. Minutes, hours, days. He didn’t know, wasn’t entirely sure if he cared. _You made me fall in love with you_. The words echoed around his brain. In love. Adam was in love with him.

He didn’t know what he had felt for Adam when they started this… thing. It had been fun, and Ronan had always fancied him. He had always watched Adam, since the day they met. Did he have a crush on Adam then? He wasn’t entirely sure. Maybe he always had, maybe he was just realising it now.

He was an idiot. The biggest idiot he had ever encountered. Ronan knew it would take a lot for Adam to forgive him. He had said too much, not meaning it, but to make Adam hurt. To make Adam feel the anger and the pain Ronan was feeling in that moment. He wanted to take every word back, to say he wanted to be with Adam. To kiss him softly, call him his boyfriend.

What was he so afraid of? He wasn’t openly gay, but he knew no one would be surprised if he was. Not with the shit that went down with Kavinsky, not after how Adam and he had been acting around each other for the past couple months. He had fucked it up.

The front door slammed shut, and Ronan’s heart missed a beat. Maybe Adam had come back, maybe he hadn’t fucked it up, maybe…

He raced out of his room, coming to a stop when he saw Gansey. He was dripping rain, a look on his face that Ronan could only describe as devastation. He was holding his phone loosely in his hand, the screen facing towards him.

“What’s wrong?” Ronan asked, his voice sounding weird in his own ears. He wondered if Gansey knew about him and Adam, what he thought. Adam had mentioned Gansey asking him about the two of them. He wondered if Gansey cared.

“Adam.” Was all he said. Sadness dripped off of every word. The words sounded choked, like he had a sentence after the name, but couldn’t get it out.

Ronan’s heart stopped and then started again, “What the fuck do you mean?”

“He… He was in a car accident.” The words were a whisper, and Ronan felt the blood drain from his face. “He’s in critical condition.”

Ronan stared at him for a moment, trying to figure out how to move his body, how to breath. Adam. Adam. He started running for the door, and he knew Gansey was close on his heels.

_Adam_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry, please don't hate me.
> 
> ***Please feel free to message me on tumblr: outofthe-blue***


	10. Let Them Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan sees Adam in hospital

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I am so sorry about the last chapter, but it had to happen! It was my plan all along, and I apologise.

A drunk driver had run a red light.

The van had ploughed into the driver side of the smaller car, pushing the vehicle through the intersection and into a traffic light. At 50mph, the damage was significant to both vehicles.

The van had tried to run, had gotten a couple feet away from the scene before he lost control of the car and drove into a wire fence. Witnesses had begun to emerge from their own cars at this point, and an off-duty police man chased the drunk man as he started to sprint away from the carnage he left behind. He was promptly arrested.

Witnesses called 911 and tried their best to get the young man out of the crushed, smoking car to no avail. He was unconscious, bleeding profusely from a wound of his temple.

Ambulance and police arrived at the scene at around 11:30pm. A thunderstorm was growing around them, thunder clapping frequently. Lightning bolts lit up the dark sky. The young man, Adam Parrish, was cut from his car. His leg was hanging the wrong way when they loaded him into the ambulance, the paramedics shouting at one another.

Adam Parrish had received multiple broken ribs, head trauma, a severely broken leg, numerous wounds that were mostly situated on his face, and the paramedics suspected a collapsed lung. A large chunk of glass from the windshield had embedded itself in one of Parrish’s ears, and the paramedics feared it may leave him permanently disfigured, possibly deaf.

The drunk driver was named as Colin Greenmantle. A man in his late thirties, a latin teacher at an all boys school. He was taken back to the police station for further questioning. Greenmantle was unable to walk himself to the police vehicle and had to be carried by police personnel. He had merely received a couple gashes to his face, and a possible sprained wrist. 

Ronan felt anger surge up through him, anger and regret. So much regret. As the doctor walked away from the small group that was huddled in the waiting room of the hospital, Gansey touched Ronan’s arm.

“He’ll be okay.” Gansey said, but he didn’t sound certain. Blue squeezed the hand she was holding, and Gansey just looked at her. There was no emotions on his face, he was blank.

Noah was crying softly. He had sat himself on a chair as soon as the doctor walked away, dragging his knees up to his chin and resting his head in his hands. Ronan wanted to join him, to let the tears that were threatening to fall down his face come. But he couldn’t bring himself to move, could barely remember how to breath.

Adam might die.

He hated himself so much. Hated the fact that their last conversation was so horrible, so wrong. He hated that he had lied to Adam, had said he wanted nothing. He wanted Adam so badly it hurt, but Ronan was broken. He didn’t want Adam to have to deal with him, he would be better off without him. But now, Ronan wished he had made Adam stay.

If Ronan had said what was in his heart, Adam would have never gotten into that car. If Ronan had said what was in his heart, Adam would not be in hospital right now. If Ronan… 

He couldn’t blame himself, not completely. Someone had been driving drunk, had run a red light. If it hadn’t been Adam who had been injured, it would have been someone else. All Ronan could do right now, was pray that Adam would get better.

The four of them sat on the uncomfortable chairs in the waiting lobby. Adam was in surgery, and they could do nothing but wait for the outcome. Adam’s life was in the hands of surgeons now. Ronan wished that this gave him some sense of hope, but it didn’t. How could it? 

_You made me fall in love with you_. Adam’s words rolled around Ronan’s head, leaving a bad taste in his mouth. Love. Adam had loved him, and now he might die. Ronan buried his face in his hands, letting the tears come. He didn’t give a shit what anyone else thought, couldn’t bring himself to care where he was or his typical persona. 

The persona he had crafted for himself after his dads death would never had cried. He would have waited, stony faced and mad until everything blew over. He had been that man for a long time. Until Adam. Until Adam, who had broken down his walls and made him _feel_ things again. Until Adam, who had made Ronan feel more alive than he had since his dads death. Until Adam, who he had realised too late he had feelings for.

Too late.

It must have been hours later when Blue had touched Ronan on the shoulder, startling him out of his own mind. He looked up to see everyone watching him, and he realised they must have been trying to talk.

“We’re going to go home for the night. Please, come with us.” Blue said. Her voice was uncharacteristically soft, and there was no bite to her words. She was tired, exhausted even. Ronan could tell in her voice.

“No.” Ronan said simply, turning away from them. He didn’t want to see the pity in their eyes.

“You can’t sleep here-” Gansey began, stopping when Blue took his arm.

“Call us if anything changes.” She said. Noah, Gansey and Blue left the hospital, and Ronan had never felt more alone in his entire life.

\- - -

Someone touched Ronan’s shoulder, making him jolt awake. He hadn’t even realised he had fallen asleep, but he could feel it now. The plastic chairs were uncomfortable as hell, and had resulted in Ronan having a stiff neck and a sore back. He looked up to the person who had shaken him. It was a nurse, an older woman who wore a warm smile.

“Hi love. You’re with Adam Parrish, yes?”

Ronan sat up straight, nodding, “Yes.”

“He’s just come out of surgery. Everything went well, but he will be staying in hospital for a couple days. He’ll be moved tomorrow, but I will show you to where he is currently staying.” She gestured to him, and he stood up quickly. Maybe a little too quickly, as the world spun around him. “Is there a way to contact any of Adam’s relatives? No one was on file.” 

Ronan shook his head, “Adam isn’t involved with any of his family any more.” The nurse clicked her tongue, a sympathetic noise.

“It’s good he has great friends then, dear.” She lead him to a door and opened it, gesturing for Ronan to go inside. “He might be asleep, but the medication should be wearing off soon.” She turned to go, then stopped, saying, “If you are staying, there is a spare bed. I’m sure the doctors won’t mind you using it.”

“Thank you.” Ronan said as he entered the room.

The room was dark and it smelled like cleaning liquid. A machine was beeping every couple of seconds, filling the room with its uncomfortable noise. Adam was laying on the bed in the far corner, a blanket laid on him.

Ronan sucked in a deep breath when he looked at him, and he couldn’t help the noise that he made. Adam didn’t look like himself. He was bruised, his left eye swollen. A large cut had been stitched shut on his forehead, and a bandage wrapped around his head, covering his left ear. His leg was in a cast and elevated. He had numerous cuts and scratches covering his face and body, and Ronan suspected there was more that he couldn’t see. Adam had a mask over his face to help him breath, and an IV drip in his arm. 

Ronan sat on the chair that was next to the bed, covering his mouth. He could barely believe that this was the man that was his best friend, his lover. He couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that only the day before they were fighting, Adam confessing his love and Ronan pushing him away. The thoughts hurt too much.

Ronan lifted the blanket slightly to find Adam’s hand, and curled his fingers around it. He laid his head on the bed, letting the tears fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am going to try and write a new chapter right now, so you don't have to wait too long to see what happens lol
> 
> ***Feel free to message me on tumblr: outofthe-blue***


	11. Into Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam falls in and out of darkness. Ronan stays.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit shorter than normal, I believe, but I really wanted to bring out a chapter. Thank you all for reading!

* _Adam_ *

Pain.  
Endless pain.  
Loud noises and bright lights.  
Pain.  
Darkness.

* _Ronan_ *

One hour had turned into two, then three, then four, then Ronan had stopped counting. Adam hadn’t woken up, hadn’t even moved his eyes inside his lids. Ronan stayed by his side, holding his hand.

He closed his eyes, his head resting on the bed. He traced patterns on Adam’s hand, praying to feel movement. A finger twitching, a muscle jump, anything would do. Anything but this.

Nurses had come in every hour, messing with the machines and observing Adam. They had smiled softly at Ronan, pitying him. It wasn’t unusual for them to see people mourning when their loved ones weren’t even dead. Ronan felt like Adam was dead, but he knew he wasn’t, could hear the machine beeping with his heart beat. The sound was comforting, made Ronan able to close his eyes and just try to sleep.

It didn’t go too well, the sleeping. Ronan jerked awake whenever anyone entered the room, which was every half an hour or so. He could feel exhaustion setting in, could feel the tiredness hit him. He needed to sleep otherwise he was going to lose his mind. But he couldn’t, it felt like betrayal to leave Adam alone so he could sleep. He caused this.

Dropping in and out of sleep, Ronan couldn’t exactly focus on what was happening around him. He could barely keep his eyes open, could barely remember how to breath. Ronan felt like he was drowning, that Adam was his floating device, but he was sinking too. Ronan would rather die than have to go through Adam dying. He couldn’t deal with it, not again.

He could remember his father’s death. He could remember it like it was yesterday, even though years had passed since Niall Lynch’s death. The paramedics had tried to save him, had put electric shocks through his body but it didn’t help. He was dead. His skull was caved in, the pavement around him soaked in blood. He remembered how that stain had stayed there for weeks, his mother refusing to leave the house, refusing to walk down the driveway. She was broken, wasting away in front of her three children who had needed her to be strong. Ronan had thought she was weak, that was the anger in him talking. He hadn’t known how to process the death, so he turned to anger.

Ronan had been so _angry_. Everything was unfair, everything was a personal attack at him. He had turned to drugs, to alcohol, to stop his pain. He had begun fighting and street racing, putting himself into danger to feel _anything_ Please be okay.

* _Adam_ *

He was floating.

He wasn’t sure where he was, but it felt safe. It felt inviting, warm and like _home_. 

He was walking down a long gravel path, and he couldn’t shake the feeling he had been here before. The stones crunched under his feet, and he looked down in surprise. He had been floating, and now he wasn’t. He didn’t let himself think too much about it, following the pathway. Adam felt hot, the sun blazing down on his back.

There was a house at the end of the pathway, and he realised it was his childhood trailer. He stopped walking, but the trailer still seemed to be getting closer. He didn’t want to go back to the place of his abuse. _What was happening?_

Eventually, Adam reached the door of the trailer and it was pulled open. A young boy stood at the door. He was wearing a long sleeve shirt and jeans, even though it was the middle of summer. The boy, no older than eight or nine, had a black eye. The boy was Adam Parrish.

Adam looked at his child self, unease swirling in his gut. The child stepped back from the door, and Adam followed him inside the house. There were no lights on, but the child was illuminated. Adam blindly followed the boy, his hands outstretched to touch the walls of the skinny hallway. Rough wallpaper attacked his fingertips, the same as it had when he was a child.

The boy stopped and turned around towards Adam. His face was no longer bruised, and his clothing had changed. He wore a short sleeved shirt and shorts, something Adam had never worn as a child. He had always been covered in bruises, and his mother had made him cover up all year round. 

Suddenly, the child was in his face. Adam jerked back, and the child didn’t move. He was staring at Adam, his eyes pure black. “Not yet.” The child spoke, but it wasn’t the voice of a little boy.

The world went black.

* _Ronan_ *

A nurse had told Ronan that it might help if Ronan talked to Adam. Good things only, nothing that could bring him down.

It made Ronan feel stupid, talking to nothing. He had to remind himself that Adam was alive, that he was talking to the man he loved. He took a deep breath, opening his mouth before losing his nerve and shutting it again. He looked at his phone, 4:11am. He had barely over three hours sleep in half hour intervals, and it was starting to show.

Ronan’s head was spinning, his hands shaking uncontrollably. He could barely remember his own name, where he lived. All he knew was Adam. Taking another breath, Ronan forced himself to look at Adam’s face. He had been trying not to, and it knocked the air right out of him. 

“Adam.” His voice cracked as he said the name, and he rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hand. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I’m doing.” Adam didn’t reply, though Ronan wanted him to. “I never wanted this to happen. And I know it’s going to be hard when you wake up, I don’t even know if you’ll want to see me. I hope so.” He took a deep breath, “We didn’t know you didn’t have health insurance, I don’t know why we assumed you did. We all chipped in, even Blue. I hope that’s okay.”

Ronan sat back in his chair. “I need to sleep, dude. Badly. But I can’t. Not while you’re like… Like _this_. But if I do, don’t take it personally. If I could, I would stay awake forever until you opened your eyes.” Ronan closed his eyes, taking small breaths, before whispering, “Please open your eyes.”

* _Adam_ *

He was standing in a field.

It was cold here, wind hitting his bare arms with force. He was naked, he realised, though he didn’t care too much. He knew that he should, but he couldn’t bring himself to be self-conscious about his skin.

The field was dewy, full of little yellow flowers. It went on forever, longer than Adam could see. The sky was purple, soft clouds dotted in the sky. He turned around in a circle, taking in the scenery. As he turned, he spotted a large tree. It was the only thing in the field, so he started walking towards it.

He moved through the field effortlessly, the tall grass moving so he could walk with ease. There were no noises, he realised as he walked, the field was dead silent. Adam couldn’t even hear his own breathing… Was he even breathing?

He reached the tree, an old oak with a thick trunk. There was a hole in the trunk, deep and dark. He reached for it, putting his hand inside. The inside felt warm, welcoming. But something kept Adam from continuing.

“You don’t want to go in there, dear.” Adam whipped around, facing the voice. An older woman stood before him, her white nightgown flapping in the wind. His grandmother. He watched as she took a step closer to him, holding out her hand. “Not yet.”

He wanted to ask how she was here. She had passed when Adam was only seven, and it had devastated him. She had been the only person who had stood up for him, and had taken him in when he was little. Adam had lived with Penelope Parrish until she died, and was sent back to live with his family. When he had returned, the punishments had come stronger and more frequently than ever.

“How are you here?” He asked, he went to take her outstretched hand.

“No.” Was all she said before she disappeared into nothing, leaving Adam standing in the field alone.

He felt something shove him from behind, and he fell forwards into darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Feel free to message me on tumblr: outofthe-blue***


	12. Forever and Always

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings are announced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait for this chapter! Life has been crazy at the moment, but I hope you enjoy.

Adam had been unconscious for over a day. The nurses and doctors hadn’t seemed worried, smiling at him softly when he had asked. They had brought him some breakfast on a little tray the morning after Adam had been brought in, telling him to not hesitate to call if he needed something or if anything changed with Adam. It was nice, but made Ronan suspicious. Why were they being so nice? He knew it was nothing, and they would have told him if anything was wrong with Adam, but he couldn’t help it. He was suspicious of everyone and everything.

Ronan had slept for maybe 6 hours, if that. It had been hard. He didn’t want to leave Adam’s side, but he knew that he needed rest. He would be no use to Adam if he was so tired he could barely remember his name. 

Gansey, Blue and Noah had turned up around noon, carrying balloons and flowers. Blue was holding a McDonald’s bag loosely in her hand, and chucked it at Ronan when she walked into the room. Ronan hadn’t been aware of how hungry he was until he opened the bag and looked inside, the smell of a big mac and chips wafting out. He grunted a thanks to Blue before shoving fries into his mouth.

“Any changes?” Gansey asked, producing a chair out of nowhere and sitting. Blue sat on his lap, and Noah was pacing around the bottom of Adam’s bed.

Ronan shook his head, swallowing a bite of food before speaking, “Nothing. Sucks ass.” He glanced at Adam, and then looked away again quickly. He had been trying to not look at the damage, because it reminded him of what he had said that night. He was already beating himself up over it, he didn’t need reminding.

“What about… He doesn’t have insurance.” Blue looked at Adam and then looked away, much like Ronan had. He was glad that everyone else was having as much trouble as he was, it made him feel like less of an asshole.

“I’ve covered it.” Ronan said instantly. He had offered to pay as soon as it had been brought up, knowing there was no way in hell Adam would have been able to afford it. He knew it might cause problems between the two of them, but he would rather that then Adam not eating to pay off medical bills.

Gansey’s face softened at that, and he patted Ronan on the shoulder, “Were you two dating?”

“No. No, just… I dunno. We were what we were.” Ronan scrubbed his hand down his face, “This is my fault.”

“Don’t be a prick. This isn’t your fault.” Noah had stopped pacing, pointing a finger at Ronan, “Some dick head was drink driving. Do not blame yourself. Do you hear me, Ronan Lynch?”

Ronan shrugged, “We had a fight. That’s why he was driving so late.”

Blue frowned, twisting her short hair between her fingers, “It’s still not your fault.”

“Might as well be.” Ronan turned away from his friends to look at Adam, forcing himself to look over his injuries. “Will he wake up?”

“Yes.” Gansey and Noah said at the same time. Gansey added, “He’ll wake up.”

Blue forced Ronan to go home to shower and change, as well as go to Adam’s apartment to grab him some necessities. It was hard to leave the hospital, hard knowing that Adam might wake up when Ronan wasn’t there and think the worse. 

The drive back to the house was quiet. Ronan barely had the energy to turn on any music, allowing himself to drive back in silence. He knew driving in his current state wasn’t too smart, but fuck it.

He showered and chucked on the first clothes he could find before raiding the fridge to find energy drinks. He sculled one, putting two more in his backpack for later. He had never really been a coffee guy, and at least energy drinks could keep him awake for a couple more hours before he finally crashed and burned.

Ronan made his way to Adam’s apartment after he had freshened up at home, letting himself in with the spare key he knew Adam hid in a pot plant by the front door. As he walked in, he couldn’t help but feel like an intruder. The space was so _Adam_. It smelled like him, and it made Ronan want to cry. He picked his way through the house, packing a couple days worth of clothes as well as grabbing his phone charger, laptop and a couple books he knew Adam was reading. He paused when he saw one of the titles _Six of Crows_. He hadn’t been aware that Adam had been reading it, but it was one of his favourites. A flush of happiness went through him, even if the move to read the book was a coincidence, it made Ronan happy that Adam was reading it. He would finally have someone to talk to about it.

He shoved everything into a backpack he had found on the floor of Adam’s room, careful not to crumple the pages of the books. He slung it over one shoulder, giving the house a once over before leaving, locking the door behind him and stowing the key back into its hiding place.

\- - -

The crew had left that evening, Ronan making the decision to stay another night. He was feeling tired, exhaustion crashing into him in waves, making his head spin. He needed to sleep. He eyed the spare bed that was next to Adam, remembering the nurse saying he could crash there if he needed to. He chucked his bag onto the bed, pulling out another energy drink and almost drinking all of it in one gulp. It was his last one, but he was sort of glad that there were no more. He could feel his heart pounding, and was glad he was in a hospital. If he had a heart attack, there was no where he would rather be at that point.

He took up the seat next to Adam, placing his hand over Adam’s limp one. There had been more brain activity today, the doctors had told the group earlier that day, and they hoped he would wake up soon. Ronan hoped so too. He wanted to talk to Adam, to say he was sorry, to explain himself. He wanted to kiss Adam, tell him everything was going to be okay. He wanted to beg forgiveness, treat him like the king he was. He wanted Adam to never feel scared again, to never be in pain. He wanted Adam Parrish to be his boyfriend, forever and always.

Ronan opened his mouth to speak, closing it again when nothing came out. He coughed, clearing his throat before trying again. “Adam.” His voice was quiet, gravelly. “Adam, I don’t know if you can hear me, but I want to say a couple things. I want to get this off my chest, even if you won’t remember it when you wake up.”

Ronan paused, glancing at the machine that controlled Adam’s breathing. “I hate seeing you like this, so… _small_ , so powerless. You are the strongest person I know, and to see you lying here… I can barely stand to look at you. I don’t want this to be my memory of you, seeing you broken and hooked up to machines. I want you to be awake, I want to touch you and I want you to smile. I want…. I want.” Ronan cut off, rubbing his hands over his face. “I don’t know why I said the things I did. I was scared, I guess. I’m broken, Adam. I’m not okay, and you don’t deserve to put up with my shit. I’m not worth you. You’re so much… You’re so much _more_ than me. You’re so much more than anyone I have ever met in my entire life. I wish I could have said this that night, I wish I could have given you what you wanted, what I wanted. But I was scared, and I push people away because I’m stupid. I don’t deserve you, I don’t want you to be ashamed of me, and I know you will be. I can’t help it.” Ronan’s voice wavered and he sniffed, “I wanted to tell you this when you were awake, but I don’t know when that will be. I wanted to tell you this while I held your hand and kissed you. I wanted… I wanted to tell you this when we slept together. Because this was always so much more than just _friends_. We were never friends with benefits, not really. It was us, we are a thing and I was too chicken shit to say anything. I was too scared that if I admitted what I felt you would run, that you would laugh at me. I was so scared, Adam.” Ronan let the tears fall, let himself feel the pain and the sorrow. He let himself feel fully, maybe for the first time since his father died. “I miss you. I miss your laugh and your face, and I miss how you held me and how you whispered things in my ear. You are it, Adam Parrish. There is no one else for me, you ruined me in the best way possible. I love you, Adam. So much. More than I have ever loved anyone in my entire life. More than I love cars and drugs and alcohol. You are everything.”

Ronan sat in silence, his feelings out in the open. He was crying, barely able to quiet the sniffling. He could barely breath, his lungs gasping for breath but unable to take it.

“I love you too.” A raspy voice said, and Ronan jumped from his chair, staring at the bed in front of him. Adam had his eyes open, watching Ronan. “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While writing this story, I had forgotten that American's don't have free health care and that Adam wouldn't have had insurance. A lovely person had mentioned it in a comment, and thank you so much for that. I feel like it will help the story a lot, because it would be a huge deal to Adam. So thank you _noorasdandekar_ for bringing it to my attention!


	13. I Love Mew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end

Ronan sat up straight in his chair, all signs of exhaustion was gone. Adam was awake. Adam was awake.

“You heard all of that, huh?” Ronan asked sheepishly. He was holding Adam’s hand, and he squeezed it softly. Adam did the same and Ronan could stop his heart from skipping a beat.

“It was all very romantic.” Adam said, a small smile on his face. His voice was quiet, barely a whisper. “What happened?”

In that moment, Ronan realised that Adam wouldn’t have known what had happened to him. He was unconscious when emergency services reached him, and had probably had been since impact. Ronan watched Adam closely as he explain, “You were in a car accident. A bad one.” Adam took a deep breath, and then winced. “Some drunk ran a red light. You have a couple broken ribs, broken leg, you… you hurt your head pretty bad too.”

Adam was silent for a while before speaking, “Did they catch the dude?” Ronan nodded and Adam let out a breath of relief. “Okay. Okay, good.”

They were silent for a while, Ronan stroking Adam’s hand. “I’m sorry for what I said the other night. I didn’t mean it.”

Adam shook his head, “I heard your monologue, I know.” Ronan put the finger up at him, but was smiling softly, “You’re very sweet when you don’t try.”

“Shut the fuck up, Parrish.” Ronan ducked his head, but Adam saw the blush staining his cheeks.

The two sat in silence for a little while, just enjoying each others company. Adam hurt everywhere, and his mind kept wandering into dangerous territory. Money. His car was totalled, he didn’t have insurance, he hadn’t been to work in a couple days. He didn’t know if he would be able to pay his rent, if he would be able to eat for the next couple weeks. He frowned, frustration pouring out of him. He didn’t need this, he was missing school and work and now he had debt. He had no fucking idea how the hell he was going to pay it off.

A nurse came into the room, pausing when she saw Adam was awake. “Adam, hi!” She said, her face breaking into a smile, “I’m glad you’re awake.” She bustled over to him, a clipboard in her hands. She began to check his vitals and his injuries, asking questions every now and then. Ronan was watching her closely, his hand clasped around Adam’s tightly. 

Adam looked at Ronan, noticing now how tired he looked. Dark circles under his eyes, his skin pale. He looked sick, and Adam couldn’t help but feel guilty as he took in the man before him. It was his fault Ronan hadn’t slept, and he felt a rush of sickness roll through him. He wasn’t worth Ronan getting sick over, wasn’t worth anything.

The nurse left, and Adam spoke. “You should go home. Sleep.”

Ronan shook his head, “I’m fine.” Adam narrowed his eyes, and Ronan shook his head once more. “Trust me, Parrish, I’m okay.”

“Don’t ware yourself out over me. I’m not worth it.” 

Ronan frowned, a quick flash of anger dancing over his features. “You’re more than worth it, dumbass.”

“At least I know you’re not being nice to me because you feel bad.” Adam said, smiling softly. Ronan grinned at him, and Adam thought it was beautiful. Ronan didn’t smile much, but he smiled more around Adam than anyone else. It made Adam feel special, like he mattered. Adam then frowned, running a hand over his face and wincing. “Don’t know how the hell I’m going to pay for this.”

Ronan was quiet for a moment before speaking, “You don’t have to worry about it.” He said in a low voice.

Adam’s stomach dropped and he looked at Ronan, “What do you mean?” Did Ronan…? Adam didn’t know if he wanted to be mad or grateful, falling somewhere in between the two.

“I can’t let you kill yourself to pay for this. I have enough money.” Ronan said quickly. When Adam opened his mouth to speak, Ronan said, “You can’t be mad at me.”

“Why not?” Adam said, to be a brat more than anything. He didn’t like the fact that Ronan had paid for the hospital, and he would find a way to pay him back eventually. But as much as Adam hated being looked after, he knew there was no way he would have been able to pay off the debt, whatever it was. He barely had enough money to survive as it was.

“Because I’m your boyfriend, and what I say goes.” Ronan said proudly.

Adam stared at Ronan, his heart beating fast. He could hear the beeping machine accelerate too, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. “Boyfriend?” He asked carefully.

Ronan’s face fell, “I… I mean, only if you want to. You don’t have to.” Adam could already see Ronan shutting off, as he withdrew his hand from Adam’s.

Quickly, Adam grabbed it, holding it tightly. “I would be honoured to be your boyfriend, Ronan Lynch.” 

The grin that Ronan gave Adam was enough to solidify that decision, as if he hadn’t already.

\- - - 

The gang came to see him an hour or so later.

Blue let out a little scream when she saw him sitting up and talking to Ronan, and basically pushed Gansey out the way to reach him. She had tears in her eyes when she took his hand. “Glad you’re joining us once more, Adam.” She said softly.

Gansey and Noah approached the bed, both with matching grins on their faces. Gansey had touched his shoulder softly, careful not to jostle him too much, and Noah had awkwardly hugged him from the side of the hospital bed.

“Glad you’re alive, dude.” Noah said, softly punching Adam on the shoulder.

“Glad to be alive.” Adam smiled at his friends, his heart bursting. He couldn’t ask for a better group of people, couldn’t imagine his life without them. They were the reason he was still in university, the reason he was still holding on to his dream of graduating college.

Adam could feel himself getting tired, and he began drifting off while the others chatted. As Adam closed his eyes, he heard the talking immediately stop and Ronan hissed something he couldn’t make out. Someone touched his arm, and he heard the door to his room open and close.

Someone touched his cheek with their lips, _Ronan_ Adam realised. He was too tired to open his eyes, to try and smile. “Sleep tight, love.” Ronan said quietly, and Adam drifted off to sleep.

\- - -  
* _6 Months Later_ *

Adam Parrish woke up with his arms wrapped around Ronan Lynch’s waist.

He smiled softly, sleepily, as he glanced at the alarm clock that sat on the bedside table. 7:15am. Adam generally woke up around the same time every day, and today was no exception. He snuggled into Ronan’s naked back, kissing the skin of his shoulder.

Everything had changed since the accident, yet everything was the same. Adam and Ronan were officially a _thing_ , and they spent most of their time together. Adam had made a quick recovery from the accident, with only a couple things left to completely heal, but he was doing okay. Great, actually.

Adam closed his eyes again, trying to see if he could sleep in, but to no avail. His mind was awake, therefore there was no way he could fall back asleep. He sighed and went to lay on his back, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

A small meow made him glance to his left, and he smiled as he took in the small kitten snoozing next to his head. Adam had adopted little Lily soon after the accident, a companion as he had to spent most of his days in bed. She had been tiny, a little tabby ball of fur. She had grown a bit now, but was still a baby.

Ronan had been hesitant when he first met the kitten, and he had confessed to never having a cat before. Adam hadn’t had one either, which seemed to make Ronan happier. Now, they were one happy family and Adam couldn’t be happier.

“You hungry, baby?” Adam asked the kitten softly, earning a small _mew_ in return.

“Are you talking to me or the cat?” Ronan asked groggily, turning over to face Adam. “Oh, the cat.” 

Adam grinned sheepishly at him, “Do you want breakfast too?”

“If you’re making.” Ronan smiled sleepily at him, “Wake me up when it’s done.” He instantly fell back asleep, and Adam couldn’t help but just watch for a moment before actually getting up.

Adam was happy, completely and utterly happy, for the first time in what felt like years. He had everything he could have wanted right in this tiny apartment, and he couldn’t ask for anything better.

Adam smiled as the kitten went to Ronan, licked his nose before jumping off the bed and following Adam into the kitchen to impatiently wait to be fed. Everything was as it should be, and for the first time in Adam’s life, he was completely content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading and leaving such nice comments and feedback! Writing this fic was so much fun, and I will definitely be starting a new one soon. I hope you enjoyed this last chapter. I had to add a cat, as I am a crazy cat lady and just thought it would be adorable for them to have a kitten. 
> 
> Thank you all again!
> 
> ***Please feel free to follow my tumblr: outofthe-blue***


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